Just a Girl Lost 2

Just a girl lost~ Here I share bits & pieces of me, in poetry, prose, music & posts from writers who inspire me.


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I am a poet

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They say

that all poets

at some point in time

possess and express

in overabundance

one or two or three or four

of the traits listed below:

Moodiness

Instability

Insanity

Eccentricty

and are very

Selfish

Idealistic

Intense

Impulsive

Cynical

Morose

Emotional

and

LoveWithEveryFiberOfTheirBeingNoMatterTheConsequenceComeHellOrHighWater

and

if it’s true

you have these traits

and all poets have these traits

you might be a poet

Depending upon

the interpretation,

it’s not a bad thing

and

I might be a poet, too

though

I live in the same world as you

Poetry is my favorite addiction/meditation/recreation/Re-Creation

I adore exploring every beautiful place

in a poet’s universe

I am a poet,

but only in spirit

I’m not like you

You are one of the chosen few

Whose words speak to my heart’s most hidden parts

I cannot pen my adoration to the ones I adore

as elegantly as you do

So, I carry you with me

I invite you into my most secret place

beneath an ancient oak

whose massive branches hang like arms

forming a cradle covered by a canopy of leaves

It’s my secret room I want to share with you

I gently lay you down on a bed of of grass

next to me as I sit in the sacred silence

I open your pages

I read your poems

Your magic is who you are

You paint in colors

that never existed before

Yes, you are a poet

You often lie between the pages

of Sylvia Plath

and Rossetti

or Robert Frost,

as Bukowski

flutters in the wind,

waiting impatiently

for me to finish

I read your last word

I let you slip away into the pages of places

I can only see in the dreams you write for me

I wait to once again taste your poetry

for I am a poet too, in spirit

and

I’m in love

with every poet and poem

whose kindred words

have touched my shore

~

©justagirllost2

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CHRISTY

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~

The past is always present ~ Immortality in ink

bleeds from the heart of Love

beyond the reach of time in ebbings and flowings

sweptaway keptaway sinking thinking

what if this is all there is
what if there is so much more?

the present

my words always true untainted by reason

as constant as the tides heavenly sun rising high

always true ~ as constant as the tides

no rhyme or reason ~ no longer my own

owned by the one who holds my heart

my every thought eternally bound to only you

Dance with the Angels, my beautiful Christy

You were an angel over all of us

You swept us ‘neath your wings

dusklightmemory

Always with love we’ll remember you,

Always your love will pull us thru

you’re forever in our hearts

and forever in our dreams

~

I miss you and I love you, my sweet Christy ❤

I pray that you are resting gently at peace

RIP ~ 05/13/2017  ~ Christina Gigliotti

~

There’s

so much i wanna say

about how she influenced and affected me and others

ripples on an ocean

she was like a star falling into a sea

touching so many

in ways we didn’t know we needed,

but

this is all I have for now…

prayers for her and her family

prayers for us all

amen

~

©justagirllost2


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I’m New

 

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I’ve changed

the old me is in the rearview

I’ve changed

the new me drags no chains

my heart ~ my thoughts

my decisions rearranged

I’m new

everyday,

from this day thru

I’m new

~

©justagirllost2

A new song I love and I hope you will love it as much as I do ~ xo

~


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Happiness

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If Happiness is simply a chemical released in the brain

I want to figure out how to release that elusive little bit of bliss

To have the certainty of being able to pull that magical daisy chain

of only always sunshine, again & again & again.

No more to be deluged by storms of life

that every season drown my sorry heart

in tears of endless rain

So,

I always often pray, “FIX ME! Now Now Now, please!”

I beg to be miraculously healed of all my weaknesses and flaws.

I beg to become completely whole, healthy, productive and serene.

“I NEED to be the me I am meant to be and somehow make up for ALL my selfish,

thoughtless, destructive, behaviors of the past.

Make me who I’m meant to be, please please please.”

I plead over and over.

A noble mantra (to my narcissistic mind)

prayed with the utmost contrition, angst and sincerity.

“I KNOW that You just have to answer, don’t You??

I mean,You’ve healed so many people

way worse off and way more screwed up than me, and I BELIEVE!

See, God, I believe!  So, c’mon, I’m ready now, I’m so ready now to be healed.”

I plead and plead, waiting to be freed, waiting to be transformed miraculously.

It’s not working!  I’m still the messed up, old me.

I bet I’m being ignored because I’m not determined enough!

I just need to beg and whine with more sincerity.

NOTHING … NOTHING, but the buzzing voices of my own vanity.

“I must be unfixable.  I must be too weak.  

What was I thinking?

I’m beyond healing.  

Even He can’t fix me.”

I Sink

deeper and deeper into myself & my selfishness

“MY way must be the ONLY way out of this daily abyss of discontent.

This life is all there is & so I’ll make the best of it

until I can figure out how to fix myself.”

It’s so much easier to believe in the god of Me.  

I may be doomed to mediocrity, but at least I’m ‘home’

within the familiar confines of my darkened,

broken mind.

I will always be my own place to hide. (that’s called Pride)

I’ll make sure I always have a retreat

where I can pretend be leading a ‘normal’, fulfilling happy life.

Keeping my dirty little secrets hidden inside.

Retreating into a fantasy world to forget the real world around me.

“I am a martyr, don’t they see?  Nobody understands me!  I have NEEDS!

I DESERVE to be free to be worshiped by others in my kingdom of ME.”

A place where selfishness, fear, apathy,

resentment, blame, anger, negativity & endless self-pity

are justified.

Where ‘escape’ isn’t being weak, it’s being ‘happy’.

Where I’m in control because only I know what’s best for me.

Life should be PLEASING me.

Pleasure and  Control, insidious beasts eating me up alive.

My passions & desires own me.

A me I create in the image of what I want others to see.

Emotions & feelings drive my insatiable need to be happy.

A blank page desperate for a saviour’s ink.

I’m not real unless they SEE me.

My stubborn pride, my petulant need,

my childish mind keeps me blind to all other’s reality.

“FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME because you NEED me!”

I’m dying inside. I’ve become a parasite of heart, soul & mind.

~

And then, through the miracle of Grace,

little by little, day by day, I begin to FEEL so DEEPLY

the pain, sadness & need for love of those around me.

Their feelings begin to matter more than my own

I am filled with longing for something

I cannot define or explain.

A warmth flows thru me.

My cold heart is melting to Love

completely.  

I’m healing.

Life won’t let me declare myself neutral

in this war anymore.

I have to decide whether to fly or fight.

I no longer find surcease in my usual distractions

I’m not able to ‘delete’ & bury my conscience & justify

my infantile dissolute vanities.

I used to be able to run away with impunity

seeking out those like me.

Things are different now.

I who always arrogantly thought myself

so brave & so much stronger than others.

I see I am only a paper tiger.

A coward afraid to

face the truth.  I am words, not actions.

A fool.

Something inside of me cries out.

I’m ready to be free.

I’m ready to let the emptiness

& dark silence wash over and consume me.

I am defiant. I am tired.

I have decided with every fiber of my being that

Fear will no longer rule me.

I choose to be truly happy, joyful & free.

I walk through the valley of humble defeat.

I’m a prisoner of true Love.

I throw myself into His arms in complete, terrified,

childlike, loving trust.

I’m finally ready to let Him Be

& work through me.

I know I have no strength.

I’ve failed miserably.

I know I have to let go of the past.

I have to hold on to now and all that will be.

I’m going in blind, hands tied, Letting Him lead.

I’m dying to Me.   It’s not easy.   Not at first.

I still grieve the old me.

I have to drag myself across that bridge of doubt & lack of faith.

Without humility & complete honesty, I can’t bear to cross it.

It isn’t exactly how I’d pictured it to be, once I’d waved the

white flag,  I’d expected Him to carry me!

So tempting to slide back down that hill into my old ways.

I wanna run & hide again, but I don’t.

I stay and I run, I run, towards & unknown Fate.

I run over that bridge.  From night to day.

From comatose to wide awake.   No longer lost.

I’ve finally found my way.

And somehow I’ve changed.

I am ready to live the truth I’ve always believed,

yet was too afraid to seek.

That ‘suffering’ of this life will bring understanding,

growth & healing and will lead to a happiness

far beyond what my human nature can ever dare to imagine.

That ‘fixing’ means changing & becoming unbroken

into a divine, unique creation of me as part of the human family.

For, how can we know true peace if we only think of

our own wants and needs?

So, now I pray for wisdom & patience

for hope & fortitude

I pray for humility and gratitude

I pray to let go of all fear and control

I pray for the strength to leap into the abyss

of complete and utter trust, always.

To never falter again.  To step out over the precipice

of my fallen, miserable comfort zone

into the arms of an unimaginable

mystical, unthinkable, beautiful

and all possible unknown.

It’s a never ending journey of self-discovery

Self-inflicted tortures of silence & reflection

Looking in mirrors of past pains soul deep

Breaking off dirty, bloody pieces until, suddenly,

like a dandelion in the wind, my soul flies beyond me

no longer imprisoned ready to rise higher.

Uncaged, unfettered, uncovered & free

to allow in a deeper, more perfect level of

all that is truly good & beautiful.

To Love unconditionally my children & my family

To see the divinity in others

To see the exquisite perfection & magic in mundane things

And no matter what trials, disappointments & pain

this life brings, I’ll be able to dance in the rain

I’ve forever changed.

I’ll still mess up again

and slip back and lose my peace, but

I will always know & believe

that Happiness lives

in my Loving the world

outside & inside of me.

~

 

©justagirllost2

*photo mine.  St. Peter’s Catholic Church Cemetery in Carencro, Louisiana


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I See

image

When the earth is veiled beneath magic

Heaven’s water droplets of fog

A mist brings blindness to the corruption of man

That’s when my heart flees from my mind

My body sighs as it follows my whims

My racing legs meet wet grass amidst tombstones

I cannot be without the within

of this place of fairy tales and greys

this place where time stands still

where spirits play

where every intrusion disappears

and all that’s left is purity of nothingness

Purity of silence that used to be

before civilizations cacophony

blazed trails of destruction

I feel the dew drip upon me

surrounding me in pieces of soul

of ghosts disembodied yet whole

and for once, for one brief moment,

I am at peace

I see only nature without beams & wires

without man made contrivances

I see only Beauty of lives in an eternal earth

beneath a sun that forever lives

I see me, you, us, all in a dream that is the true reality

~

©justagirllost2 

*photo mine

 


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Quotes about Poetry

In poetry and in eloquence the beautiful and grand must spring from the commonplace…. All that remains for us is to be new while repeating the old, and to be ourselves in becoming the echo of the whole world.

~Alexandre Vinet (1797–1847)

 

Poetry,—the language of the Imagination and the Passions,—the oldest and most beauteous offspring of Literature.

~Frederick Hinde, Poetry, a lecture delivered in London on the evening of April 8, 1858

 

The courage of the poet is to keep ajar the door that leads to madness.

~Christopher Morley, Inward Ho!

🍃

It is vain for the sober man to knock at poesy’s door.

~Plato

 

No poems can please for long or live that are written by water-drinkers.

~Horace, Satires

🍃

The true poet is all the time a visionary and whether with friends or not, as much alone as a man on his death bed.

~W.B. Yeats

A poet is an unhappy being whose heart is torn by secret sufferings, but whose lips are so strangely formed that when the sighs and the cries escape them, they sound like beautiful music… and then people crowd about the poet and say to him: “Sing for us soon again;” that is as much as to say, “May new sufferings torment your soul.”

~ Søren Kierkegaard

 

Poetry is the revelation of a feeling that the poet believes to be interior and personal which the reader recognizes as his own.

~Salvatore Quasimodo

🍃

To have great poets there must be great audiences too.

~Walt Whitman

 

The sublimity of poetry, you see, lies in the fact that it does not take an educated person to understand it and to love it. On the contrary. The educated do not understand it, and generally they despise it, because they have too much pride. To love poetry it is enough to have a soul,—a little soul, naked, like a flower. Poets speak to the souls of the simple, of the sad, of the sick. And that is why they are eternal. Do you know that, when one has sensibility, one is always something of a poet?

~Octave Mirbeau, A Chambermaid’s Diary / Le Journal d’une Femme de Chambre, 1900, translated from the French by Benjamin R. Tucker

🍃

No man was ever yet a great poet, without being at the same time a profound philosopher. For poetry is the blossom and the fragrancy of all human knowledge, human thoughts, human passions, emotions, language.

~S.T. Coleridge (1772–1834), Biographia Literaria, 1817

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