Just a Girl Lost 2

Just a girl lost~ Here I share bits & pieces of me, in poetry, prose, music & posts from writers who inspire me.


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A Mother Is

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A mother is

Band-aids & boo boo kisses

Lullabies~eyelash wishes

Homemade brownies after school

Patience~Love~the Golden Rule

A mother is heart and soul

imperfectly perfect

thru and thru

~

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers

and to all fathers who fill the role

of both mother and father.

You are LoVe! ❤

~

©justagirllost2


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The Cat is a Mercenary of LOvE ~

*Lulu, one of our 3 cats

~
When our cat, the cat belonging only to herself,
deigns to sleep next to me

I feel special & loved
Our cat is a good judge of character.
I believe that Cats know how & who to love.
They’re fluffy, fickle, mercenary creatures.
They pretend not to know you sometimes.
They’re more patient than dogs.
They take their Sweet Cat Time
They’re selective about which lap they wanna lay in.
They definitely hold up in comparison

to Zack, our dog
who follows & gets in their faces
like a jumping bean, bouncing
out of reach NEVER taking the hint,
NEVER getting out of Cat Space,
’til they scratch/whack him.
He’s always in a frenzy of jealousy when they’re around us.

Cats meow when they need or feel.

Zack loves people too much & rarely barks.
He tries to escape anytime he can burst thru the door, whoosh & he’s GONE, on a doggie quest
leaving pee on every mailbox
& if it’s sunny day he rolls around in a special field & comes home smelling of vile, dead things.
Cats don’t roll in manure & toxic muck
They HATE unsanitary things
maybe that makes them smarter?
but,
to be fair, our cat, LuLu loves to lay
on counter tops & book shelves
& 5 out of 10 times she rolls right off
So, maybe Cats & Dogs are evenly matched, a bit smart, a bit stupid in their own unique way.
~
ps:
I adore our dog. He makes better company. He never leaves.

@justagirllost2

*photos mine.

Our dog Zack & me & just Zack.


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The King of Lies

image

My Love obscene
Condemned to die
by a court of One
a King of Lies
Thief of my thoughts
this Judas Priest
Blackmailer punk
My soul sold cheap
carried his cross
Led on his leash
A genius of insanity
With gifts of dirt
& blasphemies
he buried me
he clipped my wings
Rabid for
a special treat
In recompense for my sin
I lay upon
stripped to skin
His Holy Grail
my bed of nails
His every pain
I bled for him
and
Oh,
how he loved
to watch me die
~

©justagirllost2

  • image by Lithuanian photographer Algis Griškevičius.

*in honor of #arielpoets I’m reposting this. The theme @arielpoets this month of January is Betrayal


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Dog Days are Done by Florence and the Machine

#1.  This is a GREAT SONG!!!  It’s by Florence and the Machine.  I heard it while driving. 

That’s the only way I hear ‘new’ music nowadays

#2.  Weird, when I was a teenager,

I used to be the one who found stuff before anyone else, well,  a few elses.

It’s hard ‘growing up’.  Meaning, I can’t sit and listen to music all day.

It’s hard growing up, meaning,

I’m not really grown up, just in a different dimension.

Make sense?

THIS SONG kinda sums it up.

As I was listening to it I was thinking,

Damn them, for being so happy, not fair.

I wonder what it feels like?

And then I thought, what if I could make myself

and those around me happy?

I thought, what if I could decide to be happy?

and make this song come true?

What a dream, a beautiful, wonderful, perfect dream of HAPPY!!!

I hope you love it as much as I do.

@justagirllost

 

 


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When a Lifetime of Reality isn’t Real, then what…

I was perusing my drafts tonight, looking for some snarky poetry for a friend, and I came across this. 

I know I wrote this.  The strange thing is that I don’t remember writing it.  I usually remember everything I write because I only write when my emotions are all emotional.  I’m either up, up, up or low, low, low.  I’m not an inbetween writer.  I wrote the title, When a Lifetime of Reality isn’t Real, then what… 

So, as I’m reading this, I’m thinking, “What was I going thru?  dealing with?”  It must have been something epic because like I said, I only write when compelled to do so, as in COMPELLED.  hmmmmm… I’m seriously curious.  I don’t believe in split personalities, yet it feels like someone else wrote this. curiouser and curiouser

Lately, I haven’t felt much like writing.  I’ve been dreaming a lot though.  A LOT. 

Maybe I should just write my dreams when I’m uninspired.  Huh, LIGHT BULB MOMENT!!!  lol   

I will be doing that. I’ll start writing my dreams on here.  Starting tomorrow!

Until then, I’ll leave you with my mysterious missive from last March.

Peace and Love to you all, even the haters (as our Marvelous President Donald Trump likes to say)  😉

Niki

 

 

 

what am I supposed to feel?

Numb  Stunned  Shocked  Disbelieving

Disillusioned   Duped  Distraught

Anger  Rage in Dreams Betrayed  Pain holds sway, a dirge to play, fast fading, Faith torn stripped tattered sways fast against Mind, Flesh & Bone.   Pain, like a Hawk, Claws Sink Deep Beneath Bone & Flesh, Spellbound Screaming Mind Blown Feeling Bits & Pieces Flowing Fleeing Gently Bleeding every Poisonous Drop of Pain.

No more crying in the rain.  No more Fantasy Falling to the Pain

Washed Up Brain Dead  Soul  Fucked  Back Run

Unfind

Rewind  Ahead my Steps No Turning Back  Time’s  Destined Path to Find  Life  

Unbound Unblind to Truth  this Life Unblind I find  Heart  I See  I Know

I Breathe  I  Soar  Beyond the Veil   I See Black Sky I Know It’s Name

UnBlue Pilled   Eyes  Wide  Open   Black Pitch  Death Trap  Matrix

 

Hopeless   Betrayed  Played

Lost

Sickened  Saddened  Broken  Ashamed

Hollow Hurt

Afraid  Exposed  Alarmed  Haunted

Wide Awake  Wired  Electric  Chaotic  Alive

Murderous  Livid  Repulsed  Revulsion Burning  Hate

White Hot  Hate

….

I’m Blown away by the the ease with which we hop, skipped & goose stepped into a red, white, and blue Looking Glass of Hell on Earth.

I’m more like ‘a-ha’ , ok, this must be ‘IT’

‘IT’ is finally here, for me at least.  ‘IT’ has always been waiting for me to ‘See’

I do now, I finally see…

I felt ‘IT’ about 16 years ago?   It’s hard to remember exactly.

I just know I felt it one day.

Like a quiet sonic boom, deep in me.

I felt like everything was real, but temporary.

Like a way station, forever fated and planned, an in between purgatory of sorts.

That’s how it felt, a purgatory, not deprived of anything, just my pride and being able to call anything my own.

It was grey, miserable, yet I had my family, my children, all that mattered, except for my own identity or home.

The second time I felt it was about 13 years ago.  Chloe was a new baby.

I was standing in the middle of the kids and my room.  Just standing there in a funk.  Single mom, living at home, sharing a room and way, way off the mark of where I thought my life, our lives, would and should be.   Feeling angry, mad, disgusted, embarrassed, ashamed, guilty.  Like a great, big L O S E R.  A disappointment to myself, dependent on my family, resentful at the shame time, bratty.  Just a mess of poor me and A LOT of growing up to do.

I felt it, this feeling like I was in a waiting room.

I’ve always had a nagging, uneasy voice, a whisper deep within me, within my soul

It sounds crazy, but it’s been there for so long.  Telling me to wait, just wait.

God, sounds bizarre reading it, but I swear, the voice was there.

I ‘heard’ it telling me something was coming, in the far, far distant future,

but IT was coming and life would never be the same as anyone knew it.  I FELT it, it never went away.

I let it go.

I don’t obsess over things I can’t change.

I didn’t feel anything but a complete certainty, a truth inside me, a calm

and I just said, “Ok.” and moved on with my days.

Have you ever had that happen?

I don’t know what they would call it.  

I know many people believe in psychic abilities, mediums, esp, etc.   I don’t.

I’m Catholic and I was raised to never mess with any kinds of occult things.

 

I don’t even read my horoscope.

 

@justagirllost2

*photo mine