Just a Girl Lost 2

Just a girl lost~ Here I share bits & pieces of me, in poetry, prose, music & posts from writers who inspire me.


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Music and Me

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When I’m very sad

music doesn’t comfort me

I can’t get lost

in music

when I’ve lost my joy

When I’m in a pit of despair

with no way in and no way out

I become all numb

I am all types of sadness

Moans I can’t control

rise through my body

slithering

growing

scraping

poisons escaping

from my lips

snaking

smoking

I’m blown

into a cocoon

of nothingness

when I’m heartbroken

I want nothing

rescuing me

from the abyss

of darkness

protecting me

Feelings torture me

I bury them deep

in a quiet place

I pull the shades

I sit and stare

a desolate shell

In the dark

I don’t feel the claws

ripping my heart

It only stings a little

when I have the shadows

to hide

my pain and grief

There’s no comfort

to be found

in any song

or symphony

Music is my enemy

Music

the worst beautiful thing

is salt poured into

open wounds

Music

the worst beautiful thing

mocks me

as it reminds me

of all I’m not

no matter which song

my heart tries to sing

Music

the worst beautiful thing

only reminds me I’m beat

I’m unloved

only makes me wanna run

a stake straight thru

the euphoric singer’s heart

see,

That’s the Hate part

but

When Love comes

’round again

and

I feel wanted

by another human

and

I feel connected

to the universe

then

Music is the

most beautiful place

to be

Music

I seek out

hoping to feel closer

to my person

Losing myself in every piece

Music is the hand

I hold when

another’s hand holds me

I can lose myself

fearlessly

Secure in another’s

adoring heart

My feelings are free

I can sing out loud

at happy things

I can cry tears

of empathy

to the songs

I used to use

to get me thru

another crushed heart

from some boy I once

tried to love

I feel cleansed this time

instead of dead inside

Sadness without

the death of goodbye

Music

is my exquisite healing

Desires I thought forever lost

reborn thru another’s heart

just like the Love

no longer lost

between

Music and me

~

~

©justagirllost2

*image~ Pretty love by Krzyzanowski

 

 

 

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What is the purpose in exposing to strangers what was once held sacred?

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There is something disgusting and distasteful in those waxing poetic and nostalgic over a past lover who’s not always an anonymous stranger to others.

There is something unsettling when hidden details & word for word intimate moments are vomited out onto the masses

One betrays the trust of another in poems claiming to pledge eternal adoration

when Twitter and Blogs become a peep show into a private world once reserved for two

There is something putrid and nauseating about knowing all the naked poses and naked whispers and naked promises talked of, texted, salivated over in a relationship long since passed

A heavenly river turned toxic filth when gushed from the tongue of only one, not the other

It is confounding and contemptible to see a past lover’s words being whored out for public consumption

What is the purpose in exposing to strangers what should always be held sacred?

I see no reason to rehash a diary of private moments dead and buried other than to evoke envy or pain or to progress a selfish, desperate agenda

It seems to be nothing more than petty games played by a petty heart

Graceless, classless, and crass with zero respect for another’s moving on

Why would anyone knowingly defile beautiful whispers shared about someone they claim to still love?

I suppose only the sad souls doing it can ever answer those questions

I do know, without doubt,  I will never lower myself to swim in that cesspool of sirens

They represent the worst in all women

On every level they desecrate the poetry of love

~

©justagirllost2

 


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Am I the Same as Other Writers?

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Am I the same as other writers? 


In the fearless bearing of their souls

On tables of naked thoughts

burnt offerings spread out

as words bled onto pages

unraveled from the heart

Feelings made flesh

new delicacies of a life shared

A feast in every drop of ink,

in every sentence and slice,

in every succulent bite

Every piece meant to be savored 

swallowed by parted sighs

A delight to a world of kings and queens

A royal court bowed to a kiss bestowed

As they taste each creation

they sate the writer’s hungry soul

Does every writer feel this sublime magic of giving to receive?

~

Are other writers like me in my inebriation

when the One I adore reads me?

I get drunk on the wine he drinks

to quell the heat of my creations

Desires I feed him in wicked spices and exotic flavors

Every bite meant to inflame, seduce and entice his appetite

Bursts of decadent kisses slipped between pieces

of innocent musings and sugary prose

Fiery slivers of lust wrapped in succulent, savory folds

A rare delicacy of raw sensuality in my love songs of poetry

Erotic explorations of a side of me held sacred

inspired by my muse written solely to please him

I get drunk on my desire to delight only One,

though 

I am always humbled and happy when others find pleasure

in the power and beauty of language as Love

Are other writers bound by the same feelings of heart?

~

 

©justagirllost2

*thewriterofthewoods:  Photo: Maria Tamrazova 


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Christmas to me 🎄

Christmas to me  is always magical.  Even when I’m feeling like a Scrooge. 🎄

Christmas somehow manages to get beneath my skin and throw goodwill and cheer in there with all the rest of forgotten memories.

Like Midnight Mass every year when I was little.  My mom waking me and getting me dressed to attend the most beautiful Mass of the year.  I remember thinking real angels were singing in the choir above and I loved so very much the procession outside and being able to finally see the baby Jesus lying in His creche.  It was somber, beautiful, joyful and beyond words.

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Those mornings waking to see that Santa had passed and even if what wasn’t on my list was under the tree, I still adored it all.

I’ve never grown out of Christmas.  Even though the early mornings are NOT my thing, I still muster up the strength to wake up and get ready to act happy as my children are when they see the gifts under the tree.

This year, for the first time, my son won’t be here.  He’s with his dad this Christmas.  His youngest sister opted out and the judge didn’t make her go, but my son did the right thing and took the bullet for her.  I hope he has fun and I miss him more than I can write or express in speaking.  Christmas won’t be the same without him here.  But, I still love it.

I love how people are so much nicer when shopping or just out and about.  It reminds me that there is so much good-will in this world.  It reminds me to be a better me.

I love all the Christmas shows on TV.  How can you not???  I love them all.  The old, the beautiful, the cheesy, all of them remind me to smile.

I love decorating and sitting downstairs in the evenings just enjoying the lights and the quiet.  It’s soothing and spiritual and special.  There is nothing like it.

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I love shopping for trees.  Even though I hate thinking of them chopped and lonely waiting for someone to buy them, I always wish they were still in a forest somewhere, but I still shop and look for and find and will  patiently wait for the PERFECT tree. Like we did this year.  My mom was in a ‘mood’, par and course for her lately, and wanted to leave because we had to wait for the poor overworked manager to help us, but I said, “NO! We’ve found the perfect tree and we’ll wait to take it home, end of story.” I apologized profusely to the manager and I said a prayer for him and his family. (Old age is never an excuse to be mean) imho   🙂

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Here’s our tree and this year I decided to put only ornaments that were homemade, or significant.  The special ones, no theme, no garland, just ornaments from all of the kids and me.  I most love the paper and cut-out ones they made when they were so small.  The ones with their pictures on them, the ones they balk at. The dough star tied with yarn. Those make me smile most.

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I love that my crazy mother is giving my youngest daughter a kitten this year without asking me.  I don’t mind, I adore kittens and my daughter has never really had a pet all her very own.  This Christmas morning will be memorable indeed.  🙂

I love how on Christmas Eve it’s a time to just stay home and hunker in.  While the rest of the world shops last minute frantically, we can do nothing but enjoy Christmas music and hot chocolate on this year’s balmy day 0f 70 degrees.  (the South never fails to be  unseasonably warm inappropriately)

I just love Christmas and I always will.

I hope yours is the most beautiful, peace-filled, glorious one and that you receive all the joy and happiness you need.  God Bless you!

Love and Peace,

Niki  🎄 💕

©justagirllost2


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Why the Cat is a Mercenary of LOvE ~

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When our cat, my cat, the cat belonging only to herself,

deigns to sleep next to me I feel special & loved

Our cat, my cat, the cat is a good judge of character,

I pretend to believe that Cats know how & who to love.

They’re fluffy, fickle, mercenary creatures

They pretend not to know you sometimes.

They’re more patient than dogs.

They take their Sweet Cat Time

They’re selective about which lap they wanna lay in.

They definitely hold up in comparison

to Zach, our dog

who follows & gets in their faces

like a jumping bean, bouncing just

out of reach NEVER taking the hint,

NEVER getting out of Cat Space,

’til they get away & sometimes scratch him.

He’s always in a frenzy for their attention,

Maybe he’s jealous when they’re around us?

and He rarely barks. Anyone can arrive,

unannounced. He loves people  too much.

He tries to escape every morning

Anytime he can bust thru the door

& run between your legs,

he’s GONE, on a doggie quest

leaving Notes on every mailbox

& if  it’s sunny day

he rolls around in a special field

& comes home smelling so vile

& disgusting he gets a bath, we both hate that.

Cats don’t roll in manure & toxic muck

They HATE unsanitary things

maybe that makes them smarter?

but,

to be fair, our cat, LuLu loves to lay

on counter tops &  book shelves

& 5 out of 10 times she rolls right off

So, maybe Cats & Dogs are evenly matched,

in their own unique way.

~

ps:

I adore our dog.  He makes better company.  He never leaves.

~

*photo mine. Our dog Zach & me.

The cat I was writing about couldn’t be found to be photographed today.


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Fake News & Us ~ Are We the Poor, Ignorant, Clueless Masses Needing Protection from Big Bad Misinformation?

I’ve been reading a lot of articles and watching a lot of youtube commentaries on this new phenomenon called Fake News.  

First thing I thought was, “Who came up with that label? Is it like some catastrophic new disease? Like the Ebola Virus or Disco?”

Well, from my own investigating I found out that it was an assistant professor at Merrimack College named Melissa Zimdars.  

Part of the article about. Ms. Melissa Zimdars is below

*my own comments in parenthesis & in purple.  

~ M.

Bogus hit list is removed after radical liberal is exposed, but crying ‘fake news’ will be new weapon

Melissa Zimdars, an assistant professor at sleepy Merrimack College, has mysteriously taken down her hit list of so-called “fake news” websites after her radical left-wing political leanings were uncovered.


Zimdar’s subjective, unscientific list is being touted by liberal mainstream media to discredit conservative news outlets in a move to delegitimize, silence and censor conservative viewpoints.

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Shockingly, mainstream media embraced and gave widespread credence to a list posted on Facebook by an obscure communications professor who has only been working at a small private college for 15 months.  

(WTF? You’re shocked?  You act like you consider them ethical journalists or something.)

Since Zimdars published her list on Facebook, it has gone viral after being accepted as gospel by mainstream media using it to urge its readers to disregard the “fake news” websites she named.  

(yet, WE’RE the Gullible DumbAsses Needing the ‘Oh So Wise’ Big Brotherly MSM’s Protection)

The list of alleged “fake news” websites are mixed with conservative, established websites such as WND, Red State, Independent Journal ReviewThe Blaze, Breitbart and BizPac Review.

On Melissa Zimdars’ Twitter profile she describes herself as a “feminist and activist.” In her spare time, Zimdars contributes to Little Village Magazine – a left-leaning magazine for social justice warriors, WND reported.

Before switching her Twitter account to private, Zimdars disdainfully mocked Trump and urged her followers to donate to Black Lives Matter.

Zimdars launched her so-called “fake news” list after soliciting feedback from her Facebook friends (very scientific, as you can see).

Zimdars explained that she wanted to compile a list as a teaching guide for her students.   (Indoctrination 101, ain’t college grand?) 

She did not call it a research paper or project, because that normally requires rigorous vetting.  (Gasp, where’s that investigative Fact Finding Journalistic Integrity Wise & Noble MSM? SHE didn’t VET her sources! You didn’t VET yours! that’s Journalism 101?  You know, that shit you learned back in college, before you sold your soul?)

Who gave this obscure teacher the moral and journalistic authority to judge which news organizations are legit or fake?  Zimdars is a junior-level assistant communications professor (we’re not even sure if she’s tenured) at a college most people never heard of.

(All these high & mighty intellects are touting her List as the Holy Grail.  And even if she were tenured, so what?  She’s still NOT objective & did NO RESEARCH.  Seems they don’t give a flying flip. I think a really bright monkey could have written it & I’ve no doubt that a monkey would have more imagination. They’re talking heads not reporters, which is why they have to scavenge websites of obscure college professors to find shit they then regurgitate in a desperate attempt to somehow appear relevant & credible again.)

WND observed:

News organizations such as CNN, the Washington Post, Boston Globe, New York Magazine, USA Today, Business Insider, the Austin American-Statesman, the Dallas Morning News and others spread the list like gospel and cited it in their reports.

But nearly none of them considered Zimdars’ political leanings or questioned her criteria or qualifications for determining which news sources should be included on her list.

Melissa Zimdars said the Huffington Post is one of her trusted news sources. (THAT figures)

PJ Media’s Stephen Kruiser remarked:  “It’s no surprise that a college professor compiled this list; what’s galling is that the Los Angeles Times ‘reported’ on it without mentioning that it’s complete garbage.”

Ironically, no mainstream liberal media was included on Melissa Zimdars’ “fake news” list even though many reporters from outlets like CNN, ABC, NBC, the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Huffington Post, MSNBC and Politico enjoyed a cozy relationship with Hillary Clinton‘s camp during the election cycle, and attended secret dinners where they colluded on pro-Clinton press coverage.  (MSM = DNC Propaganda Hacks )

Conservative media were not invited to these secret press gatherings, which went on for more than a year.  

And the public would never have found out about Clinton’s army of “friendly helper reporters” had it not been for Wikileaks.

If colluding with politicians and tailoring positive news coverage with the people you’re supposed to cover OBJECTIVELY doesn’t make you a “fake news” journalist, then what does?

Apparently being politically conservative is the main criterion.  

Given the sham state of mainstream media, is it any wonder that 94% of Americans say they do NOT trust the media?

http://www.bizpacreview.com/2016/11/19/bogus-hit-list-removed-radical-liberal-exposed-crying-fake-news-will-new-weapon-414026

~

And I, being the Un-Fake News person that I am, have posted both sides of the story.

It is up to YOU, dear reader, in all your wisdom to decide what is truthful, credible & objective & what is just deplorable, deletable, detestable, damn ‘Fake News’.

My apologies for being long-winded on this post.  I was on a roll and some issues make me really obnoxious and a bit too passionate.  My only hope is that I’m not a raving lunatic and completely wrong, because that would suck royally.  😉

M.

 ~

Facebook (FB, Tech30) says it will not place ads from fake news publishers on third party apps or websites, because the content falls under the broader category of “illegal, misleading or deceptive” content.

CEO Mark Zuckerberg has rejected allegations that Facebook allowed fake news to influence voters ahead of the election, and the company has not announced any major changes that would help filter out inaccurate content on its own site.

“Personally, I think the idea that fake news on Facebook — of which it’s a small amount of content — influenced the election in any way is a pretty crazy idea,” Zuckerberg said Thursday.

Related: The plague of fake news is getting worse — here’s how to protect yourself

“Moving forward, we will restrict ad serving on pages that misrepresent, misstate, or conceal information about the publisher, the publisher’s content, or the primary purpose of the web property,” the company said in a statement.

Google has also committed to tweaking its search algorithms. On Monday, the top result for “final election result” directed users to a fake news site with incorrect numbers.

“In this case we clearly didn’t get it right, but we are continually working to improve our algorithms,” Google said in a statement.

The moves are still unlikely to satisfy critics who argue Facebook, Google, Twitter (TWTR, Tech30) and other big Internet companies must do more to stop fake news from appearing in search results and feeds.

* http://money.cnn.com/2016/11/15/technology/facebook-google-fake-news-presidential-election/

 

12 Fake News Stories from the Mainstream Media