Just a Girl Lost 2

Just a girl lost~ Here I share bits & pieces of me, in poetry, prose, music & posts from writers who inspire me.


The Cat is a Mercenary of LOvE ~

*Lulu, one of our 3 cats

When our cat, the cat belonging only to herself,
deigns to sleep next to me

I feel special & loved
Our cat is a good judge of character.
I believe that Cats know how & who to love.
They’re fluffy, fickle, mercenary creatures.
They pretend not to know you sometimes.
They’re more patient than dogs.
They take their Sweet Cat Time
They’re selective about which lap they wanna lay in.
They definitely hold up in comparison

to Zack, our dog
who follows & gets in their faces
like a jumping bean, bouncing
out of reach NEVER taking the hint,
NEVER getting out of Cat Space,
’til they scratch/whack him.
He’s always in a frenzy of jealousy when they’re around us.

Cats meow when they need or feel.

Zack loves people too much & rarely barks.
He tries to escape anytime he can burst thru the door, whoosh & he’s GONE, on a doggie quest
leaving pee on every mailbox
& if it’s sunny day he rolls around in a special field & comes home smelling of vile, dead things.
Cats don’t roll in manure & toxic muck
They HATE unsanitary things
maybe that makes them smarter?
to be fair, our cat, LuLu loves to lay
on counter tops & book shelves
& 5 out of 10 times she rolls right off
So, maybe Cats & Dogs are evenly matched, a bit smart, a bit stupid in their own unique way.
I adore our dog. He makes better company. He never leaves.


*photos mine.

Our dog Zack & me & just Zack.

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So, I’m going
thru my phone pics & see this.
Rewinding time
to when my kids were little.
We found an abandoned
baby bird & decided to raise it.
I remember the purple
bird poop in our bathroom,
the round the clock feedings
and this photo
of Nick holding the baby bird
while Chloe throws
a tantrum cause
she wants to hold it.



*photo mine


Am I the Same as Other Writers?



Am I the same as other writers? 

In the fearless bearing of their souls

On tables of naked thoughts

burnt offerings spread out

as words bled onto pages

unraveled from the heart

Feelings made flesh

new delicacies of a life shared

A feast in every drop of ink,

in every sentence and slice,

in every succulent bite

Every piece meant to be savored 

swallowed by parted sighs

A delight to a world of kings and queens

A royal court bowed to a kiss bestowed

As they taste each creation

they sate the writer’s hungry soul

Does every writer feel this sublime magic of giving to receive?


Are other writers like me in my inebriation

when the One I adore reads me?

I get drunk on the wine he drinks

to quell the heat of my creations

Desires I feed him in wicked spices and exotic flavors

Every bite meant to inflame, seduce and entice his appetite

Bursts of decadent kisses slipped between pieces

of innocent musings and sugary prose

Fiery slivers of lust wrapped in succulent, savory folds

A rare delicacy of raw sensuality in my love songs of poetry

Erotic explorations of a side of me held sacred

inspired by my muse written solely to please him

I get drunk on my desire to delight only One,


I am always humbled and happy when others find pleasure

in the power and beauty of language as Love

Are other writers bound by the same feelings of heart?




*thewriterofthewoods:  Photo: Maria Tamrazova 

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Music and Me


When I’m very sad

music doesn’t comfort me

I can’t get lost

in music

when I’ve lost my joy

When I’m in a pit of despair

with no way in and no way out

I become all numb

I am all types of sadness

Moans I can’t control

rise through my body




poisons escaping

from my lips



I’m blown

into a cocoon

of nothingness

when I’m heartbroken

I want nothing

rescuing me

from the abyss

of darkness

protecting me

Feelings torture me

I bury them deep

in a quiet place

I pull the shades

I sit and stare

a desolate shell

In the dark

I don’t feel the claws

ripping my heart

It only stings a little

when I have the shadows

to hide

my pain and grief

There’s no comfort

to be found

in any song

or symphony

Music is my enemy


the worst beautiful thing

is salt poured into

open wounds


the worst beautiful thing

mocks me

as it reminds me

of all I’m not

no matter which song

my heart tries to sing


the worst beautiful thing

only reminds me I’m beat

I’m unloved

only makes me wanna run

a stake straight thru

the euphoric singer’s heart


That’s the Hate part


When Love comes

’round again


I feel wanted

by another human


I feel connected

to the universe


Music is the

most beautiful place

to be


I seek out

hoping to feel closer

to my person

Losing myself in every piece

Music is the hand

I hold when

another’s hand holds me

I can lose myself


Secure in another’s

adoring heart

My feelings are free

I can sing out loud

at happy things

I can cry tears

of empathy

to the songs

I used to use

to get me thru

another crushed heart

from some boy I once

tried to love

I feel cleansed this time

instead of dead inside

Sadness without

the death of goodbye


is my exquisite healing

Desires I thought forever lost

reborn thru another’s heart

just like the Love

no longer lost


Music and me




*image~ Pretty love by Krzyzanowski





What is the purpose in exposing to strangers what was once held sacred?


There is something disgusting and distasteful in those waxing poetic and nostalgic over a past lover who’s not always an anonymous stranger to others.

There is something unsettling when hidden details & word for word intimate moments are vomited out onto the masses

One betrays the trust of another in poems claiming to pledge eternal adoration

when Twitter and Blogs become a peep show into a private world once reserved for two

There is something putrid and nauseating about knowing all the naked poses and naked whispers and naked promises talked of, texted, salivated over in a relationship long since passed

A heavenly river turned toxic filth when gushed from the tongue of only one, not the other

It is confounding and contemptible to see a past lover’s words being whored out for public consumption

What is the purpose in exposing to strangers what should always be held sacred?

I see no reason to rehash a diary of private moments dead and buried other than to evoke envy or pain or to progress a selfish, desperate agenda

It seems to be nothing more than petty games played by a petty heart

Graceless, classless, and crass with zero respect for another’s moving on

Why would anyone knowingly defile beautiful whispers shared about someone they claim to still love?

I suppose only the sad souls doing it can ever answer those questions

I do know, without doubt,  I will never lower myself to swim in that cesspool of sirens

They represent the worst in all women

On every level they desecrate the poetry of love





Christmas to me 🎄

Christmas to me  is always magical.  Even when I’m feeling like a Scrooge. 🎄

Christmas somehow manages to get beneath my skin and throw goodwill and cheer in there with all the rest of forgotten memories.

Like Midnight Mass every year when I was little.  My mom waking me and getting me dressed to attend the most beautiful Mass of the year.  I remember thinking real angels were singing in the choir above and I loved so very much the procession outside and being able to finally see the baby Jesus lying in His creche.  It was somber, beautiful, joyful and beyond words.


Those mornings waking to see that Santa had passed and even if what wasn’t on my list was under the tree, I still adored it all.

I’ve never grown out of Christmas.  Even though the early mornings are NOT my thing, I still muster up the strength to wake up and get ready to act happy as my children are when they see the gifts under the tree.

This year, for the first time, my son won’t be here.  He’s with his dad this Christmas.  His youngest sister opted out and the judge didn’t make her go, but my son did the right thing and took the bullet for her.  I hope he has fun and I miss him more than I can write or express in speaking.  Christmas won’t be the same without him here.  But, I still love it.

I love how people are so much nicer when shopping or just out and about.  It reminds me that there is so much good-will in this world.  It reminds me to be a better me.

I love all the Christmas shows on TV.  How can you not???  I love them all.  The old, the beautiful, the cheesy, all of them remind me to smile.

I love decorating and sitting downstairs in the evenings just enjoying the lights and the quiet.  It’s soothing and spiritual and special.  There is nothing like it.


I love shopping for trees.  Even though I hate thinking of them chopped and lonely waiting for someone to buy them, I always wish they were still in a forest somewhere, but I still shop and look for and find and will  patiently wait for the PERFECT tree. Like we did this year.  My mom was in a ‘mood’, par and course for her lately, and wanted to leave because we had to wait for the poor overworked manager to help us, but I said, “NO! We’ve found the perfect tree and we’ll wait to take it home, end of story.” I apologized profusely to the manager and I said a prayer for him and his family. (Old age is never an excuse to be mean) imho   🙂


Here’s our tree and this year I decided to put only ornaments that were homemade, or significant.  The special ones, no theme, no garland, just ornaments from all of the kids and me.  I most love the paper and cut-out ones they made when they were so small.  The ones with their pictures on them, the ones they balk at. The dough star tied with yarn. Those make me smile most.



I love that my crazy mother is giving my youngest daughter a kitten this year without asking me.  I don’t mind, I adore kittens and my daughter has never really had a pet all her very own.  This Christmas morning will be memorable indeed.  🙂

I love how on Christmas Eve it’s a time to just stay home and hunker in.  While the rest of the world shops last minute frantically, we can do nothing but enjoy Christmas music and hot chocolate on this year’s balmy day 0f 70 degrees.  (the South never fails to be  unseasonably warm inappropriately)

I just love Christmas and I always will.

I hope yours is the most beautiful, peace-filled, glorious one and that you receive all the joy and happiness you need.  God Bless you!

Love and Peace,

Niki  🎄 💕