My Love obscene Condemned to die by a court of One a King of Lies Thief of my thoughts this Judas Priest Blackmailer punk My soul sold cheap carried his cross Led on his leash A genius of insanity With gifts of dirt & blasphemies he buried me he clipped my wings Rabid for a special treat In recompense for my sin I lay upon stripped to skin His Holy Grail my bed of nails His every pain I bled for him and Oh, how he loved to watch me die ~
Funny how every time I’m feeling at peace, my mother can skin me alive and rip out my heart in a matter of moments.
Seems it’s the times I’m finally getting things together in my own heart, mind, soul and I’m doing the best I know knowing it’s ok and that God’s in control.
It’s like there is something inside of her that has this mission to annihilate me.
It’s a fact of life, no more no less. It is what it is. I love her, she loves me, but in completely different ways.
I can take the anger, I can’t take the contradiction. To have loved me more than life itself cannot mean except for the last ten years. I can’t even put any thing into words right now. My disappointment in her, me for letting ALL my wisdom and zen FLY out the window and take the bait and get crazy angry, my sadness at all of it is too raw. I can’t hide from it. I can’t, I won’t return to my old escapes. I have nothing to dull the pain.
I am trying to see what I can do to make myself better. That’s all I can do. I know there are so many lessons in it for me. At this moment clarity is such a new bitter pill to swallow. New ways to think, to change my thinking… a new kind of pain.
I just need to rest my heart and sit in stunned silence at what it truly means to trust in what is so easy to trust in when I’m at peace.
"All truth passes through three stages: first, it is ridiculed; second, it is violently opposed; and third, it is accepted as self-evident." - Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 – 1860). "There is but one straight course, and that is to seek truth and pursue it steadily" - George Washington letter to Edmund Randolph — 1795. Going beyond the MSM idealogical opinion/bias and their low information infotainment tabloid reality show news with a distractional superficial focus on entertainment, sensationalism, emotionalism and partisan activist opinion/commentary reporting - this blogs goal is to, in some small way, put a plug in the broken dam of truth and save as many as possible from the consequences—temporal and eternal. "The further a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it." - George Orwell
