King of Lies

My Love obscene
Condemned to die
by a court of One
the King of Lies
Thief of my thoughts
this Judas Priest
Blackmailer punk
My soul sold cheap
Carried his cross
led on his leash
A genius of insanity
With gifts of dirt
& blasphemies
He buried me
He ate my wings
Rabid for
my blood repents
In recompense for every sin
I lay upon
stripped to skin
His Holy Grail
a bed of nails
His every pain
I bled for him
and
Oh,
how he loved
to make me die

again and  again

and again

~

©justagirllost

image by Lithuanian photographer Algis Griškevičius.

*in honor of #arielpoets I’m reposting this. The theme @arielpoets this month of January is Betrayal

No More Naked Words of Me

 

No more naked words of me

I’ll share with unfit company

No more pearls to swine
wallowing in

malicious pits
of rhyme

Greedily feeding upon frenemies
In snide remarks

they crassly snort
from gaping cavities

Cackling round cauldrons
Stirring up slander
in smiles & sabotage

Envy & insecurity forms friendships
Coven’s of commonalities

whose Joyous glee
derives from wHine & inflicting cruelty

Hating the me

that they create
from moldy thoughts
& evil hearts

Their misery needs company
to justify impiety

Lying eyes see only lies

Venomous bites
contort distort

truth as alibis
to fit inside
their

teeny tiny

twisted minds
~

 

*reposting this piece because,

so often these temporary feelings of pain resurface,

unfortunate lows in the mostly highs that come

from exposing your thoughts & heart in permanent ink.

* I really like it! and it’s a bit Halloweeny…

@justagirllost2

*photo mine

Black holes and my heart are old friends

Funny how every time I’m feeling at peace, my mother can skin me alive and rip out my heart in a matter of moments.

Seems it’s the times I’m finally getting things together in my own heart, mind, soul and I’m doing the best I know knowing it’s ok and that God’s in control.

It’s like there is something inside of her that has this mission to annihilate me.

It’s a fact of life, no more no less.  It is what it is.  I love her, she loves me, but in completely different ways.

I can take the anger, I can’t take the contradiction.  To have loved me more than life itself cannot mean except for the last ten years.  I can’t even put any thing into words right now.  My disappointment in her, me for letting ALL my wisdom and zen FLY out the window and take the bait and get crazy angry,  my sadness at all of it is too raw.  I can’t hide from it.  I can’t, I won’t return to my old escapes.  I have nothing to dull the pain.

I am trying to see what I can do to make myself better.  That’s all I can do.  I know there are so many lessons in it for me.  At this moment clarity is such a new bitter pill to swallow.  New ways to think, to change my thinking… a new kind of pain.

I just need to rest my heart and sit in stunned silence at what it truly means to trust in what is so easy to trust in when I’m at peace.

I’m empty of poetry

I’m empty of joy

just for today at least, maybe tomorrow

I hope not, I truly hope not

I’m just tired, so tired

I need to rest

~

©justagirllost2

I Don’t Have All the Words

I don’t hold

all the words,

but I wish I did

~

I feel them screaming

beneath my skin

~

Rememberings of me

before

I learned how

to

shut up

shut out

shut down

and

forget I existed

~

That is the past

and

as God is my witness

it will hurt me never again

~

©justagirllost2 

~

*top image: Sergei Sviatchenko

*bottom image: Allison Rathan

What is there left?

~

When the words hurt

too much to write

~

Where do I go?

What do I do?

How do I hide?

~

When the chaos

lingers & drips,

bleeding inside,

I slowly die

without writing it

~

My soul un-crying itself

to death

~

So, tell me,

what is there left?

~

 

©justagirllost2