Just a Girl Lost 2

Just a girl lost~ Here I share bits & pieces of me, in poetry, prose, music & posts from writers who inspire me.


The Blue Dream


I promised I would write my dreams,

since I’m not inspired right now to write anything

about Love or Life or Living.

I have been dreaming lately and that is a rarity.

I mean that i am ‘remembering’ my dreams.

I know that we all dream, blah, blah, blah.

I just lately have had some memorable dreams



In this dream, I’ll call it ‘The Blue Dream’, I am in a HUGE, MASSIVE, meandering house.

This huge house is apparently being ‘given’ to me and my children.

(my children’s ages vary and morph as the dream progresses)

In the process of moving in, the former tenants have left a LOT OF STUFF, weird stuff and the former tenants (picture The Brady Bunch times 10) the Brady Bunch are ‘helping’ me clean-up.

As they help me clean up they are also finding things they had forgotten and are happily taking them home.

This house is HUGE and one room has a red puppet theater and a white baby bed and lots of baby toys just lying around.

It’s night and the room is bluish in hue with lights dancing off the walls.

There are people pulling wallpaper off, sawing, hammering, nailing, taking paneling off, putting things in bags.

We move on into the kitchen.  The kitchen is a jumble of carpentry, hardware, sawdust, no table or anything, just a weird metallic, greenish, harsh, undone, uninviting mess.

There’s white stuff everywhere.

Like, that white stuff on walls and ceilings, crumbly and powdery white.

There’s drawers lying on the floor filled with CRAP.

You know, that junk drawer you just throw little pieces of crap into.  There are drawers scattered and tossed and filled with utensils and forks, knives, spoons, corn-cob holders, different colored rubber bands, tacks, tacks, tacks, little nails and all the little things you need to stick things to the wall.  BORING.

I march/slither/slide upstairs, downstairs, all around, seeing rooms with bunk beds, seeing into bathrooms with clothes hanging everywhere and toothbrushes, toothpaste, pictures, children’s paintings, all sorts of things just everywhere.  Stuff left behind, not worthy of keeping, but the Brady’s were realizing that there was some pretty cool stuff they’d left behind and so as I’m seeing into these rooms, I’m seeing the Brady’s picking up, sorting thru, laughing about, holding onto all this stuff they had forgotten about.  They’re finding treasure as I’m tearing down to move in and it’s a chaotic mess.  NOISE and MESS and NOISE and ripping and tearing and running thru the house.

I turn and step into an elevator.  It’s a brown elevator.  Wood with scratches in it.  I step in hesitantly, I know I’m going down, I know I have to get in, but also I decide in this dream that I am NOT going to be stuck in this elevator.  (I am SO CLAUSTROPHOBIC. As a child I wasn’t in the least, but as an adult, I am)

Suddenly, I come to a STOP.  I’m at a dead end.  No where to go forward. I step out of the elevator and am a bit relived because my lucid dreaming worked!

A cul-de-sac in the hallway.  I’m standing in a hallway.  I look to my right and I see sitting on a wooden crate a blond girl, about 5 or 6, wearing yellow shorts and top.  She has pigtails and is just sitting quietly, solemnly on the crate in the cul-de-sac staring at me. Not moving, just staring at me.

I need the bathroom.

I turn suddenly and look straight ahead.  I’m looking in a mirror.  I’m in a bathroom.

I’m standing in a narrow, white enamel on the wall, white sink, light bulb hanging down with a pull string, bathroom.

I look in the mirror and I’m COMPLETELY BLUE.  I’m covered in blue.  Painted blue.  A cobalt blue.  My hair is a mess, all frizzy and sticking out and BLUE.  My skin is blue.  My gown is blue.  My feet are blue!  I look at the girl and feel confusion, I know I have to keep going.  I look down the hallway.

I hear people laughing and I know there is a party going on.

I turn and find some stairs.

I go down these dingy, dark stairs.  The whole house is falling apart/being redone.  It’s got a 70’s vibe. The party room.  Paneling, blue and green furniture, not too well lit.  It’s dim, like a dying sun yellow.

It’s a party and everyone is happy and laughing and talking, but the colors and smell and feeling all say dank, dark, slime, oppressive.

I step into the room and see everyone dressed in groovy polyester pantsuits and dresses, chunky shoes and puffy hair.  I see our neighbor from across the street.  Miss Bea.

She and her husband, Mr. Andy, were my second parents.  They had 4 kids, the youngest girl was a year younger than me and my best friend, my sister almost.  We spent everyday together. Our mom’s would drink coffee and talk and we would play.  We practically lived together. 

Miss Bea.

She looks beautiful.

She’s smiling and laughing, wearing a lovely dress and she’s young.

I’m surprised to see her there because she’s dead.

She tells me that she’s with her daughter.

Her first pregnancy was a miscarriage, they named her Susan, and I’d always felt a sadness from her when she thought about Susan.  I loved Miss Bea.  She was very quiet, tiny.  Didn’t drive a car.  Her husband drove her everywhere. 

Miss Bea, my sweet, mysterious, very kind, never raised her voice, LOVED romance novels, smoked like a chimney, my mom’s best friend, my second mom was telling me she was happy and with her daughter. 

I was uncomfortable the whole time, of course, I’m in disarray.  My hair is a mess and I’m covered in blue! I turned to look around …

I woke up.

That’s it.

That’s my Blue Dream.


*image, Death and the Mirror, James Christensen






the heart is always home




Steel and silk

by Fate’s design

a lifetime woven

Our threads entwined

the silence stolen

with just one touch,

One sweet soft whisper

a kindred spark


as my eyes met yours


you suddenly

awakened me

You stormed

the distance

In you i found

my beautiful affliction

Falling tumbling

down your rabbit hole

cured by you, uncaged

made whole

Like a bird i fly

I’m real

With you i’m free

untethered ~ bold

In your skies of blue

a paradise of two

forbidden dreams

come true


Your words alive

every line

I inject inside

I taste your thoughts

rushing thru my veins

Firestorms of impiety

restrained imaginings

invade me in strains

of secrets

my body taunts

and mocks

my fear of you,

my greatest weakness


Without mercy

I hear you calling

you own my heart

I know you need me


I know in you

I’m forever lost



my perfect drug

my dangerous addiction



all i ever feel ~ all i ever want

all i ever crave ~ all i ever need

Only you feed my famished heart

Only you write my hidden parts


In your soul’s deepest dark

with me recreate

your spiritual art

In my desires i taste yours

I’ve known your voice

beyond lifetimes

and distance shores


You live

inside me now and forever

Within you lay so many unwritten songs

Within you is where i belong

You are

where i know

I’m finally home






the best of me


I beg you never change, unseen

I yearn to stroke your naked being

reflecting back your darkest dreams

I’ll give you all the best of me








All of Me

I am unafraid
of your demons
Your every darkness
I embrace
I have already felt
the heaven in your heart
Desire for you crashes into me
Relentless waves of wanting
I’m drowning in this lust
Slick need slides
in rivulets
down my thighs
I ache to be explored
Every delicious inch
Every sin I seek to savor
Licking each new
delicious flavor
off your skin
I want to wake your beast
Mark me
with the story of Us
this Love~this twisted Lust
Taste my wildness
My animal hidden beneath
My impure cravings unleash
I want to know
your every secret
too dark
for civilized society
Let me
Your deepest fantasies
Release them
In me~ on me
My body is yours
Your playground of pleasure
My yearnings~my burnings
Make me beg~master me
Take my offering
Take everything
Take all of me
*Artist: Malcolm T. Liepke

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My Everything in Dreams



You have always existed

in a place

hidden within me


Your Cinderella

locked in a tower

of forbidden fantasy


A once upon a time

I never dared dream

where I, an unworldly
simple maiden unseen

could somehow

captivate, enchant

and win the heart

of the most

sought after,  adored,

loved and desired King



a Poet ~ a Prince

weaver of every woman’s



My once upon a time

My everything

no longer unseen


Our eyes meet

Two hearts beat

as One


Our Love

a reality

Our kingdom

finally come




*Sleeping Beauty, 1878 ~ Ludwig Sussmann Hellborn