Just a Girl Lost 2

Just a girl lost~ Here I share bits & pieces of me, in poetry, prose, music & posts from writers who inspire me.


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Black holes and my heart are old friends

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Funny how every time I’m feeling at peace, my mother can skin me alive and rip out my heart in a matter of moments.

Seems it’s the times I’m finally getting things together in my own heart, mind, soul and I’m doing the best I know knowing it’s ok and that God’s in control.

It’s like there is something inside of her that has this mission to annihilate me.

It’s a fact of life, no more no less.  It is what it is.  I love her, she loves me, but in completely different ways.

I can take the anger, I can’t take the contradiction.  To have loved me more than life itself cannot mean except for the last ten years.  I can’t even put any thing into words right now.  My disappointment in her, me for letting ALL my wisdom and zen FLY out the window and take the bait and get crazy angry,  my sadness at all of it is too raw.  I can’t hide from it.  I can’t, I won’t return to my old escapes.  I have nothing to dull the pain.

I am trying to see what I can do to make myself better.  That’s all I can do.  I know there are so many lessons in it for me.  At this moment clarity is such a new bitter pill to swallow.  New ways to think, to change my thinking… a new kind of pain.

I just need to rest my heart and sit in stunned silence at what it truly means to trust in what is so easy to trust in when I’m at peace.

I’m empty of poetry

I’m empty of joy

just for today at least, maybe tomorrow

I hope not, I truly hope not

I’m just tired, so tired

I need to rest

~

©justagirllost2


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What is the purpose in exposing to strangers what was once held sacred?

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There is something disgusting and distasteful in those waxing poetic and nostalgic over a past lover who’s not always an anonymous stranger to others.

There is something unsettling when hidden details & word for word intimate moments are vomited out onto the masses

One betrays the trust of another in poems claiming to pledge eternal adoration

when Twitter and Blogs become a peep show into a private world once reserved for two

There is something putrid and nauseating about knowing all the naked poses and naked whispers and naked promises talked of, texted, salivated over in a relationship long since passed

A heavenly river turned toxic filth when gushed from the tongue of only one, not the other

It is confounding and contemptible to see a past lover’s words being whored out for public consumption

What is the purpose in exposing to strangers what should always be held sacred?

I see no reason to rehash a diary of private moments dead and buried other than to evoke envy or pain or to progress a selfish, desperate agenda

It seems to be nothing more than petty games played by a petty heart

Graceless, classless, and crass with zero respect for another’s moving on

Why would anyone knowingly defile beautiful whispers shared about someone they claim to still love?

I suppose only the sad souls doing it can ever answer those questions

I do know, without doubt,  I will never lower myself to swim in that cesspool of sirens

They represent the worst in all women

On every level they desecrate the poetry of love

~

©justagirllost2

 


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I Don’t Have All the Words

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I don’t hold

all the words,

but I wish I did

~

I feel them screaming

beneath my skin

~

Rememberings of me

before

I learned how

to

shut up

shut out

shut down

and

forget I existed

~

That is the past

and

as God is my witness

it will hurt me never again

~

©justagirllost2 

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~

*top image: Sergei Sviatchenko

*bottom image: Allison Rathan


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Tawdry Hearts

image

 

A fetish for pretty minds
He captured with his eyes

Happily chained in darkness
by their devotion blind

Puppets swinging on meathook candy canes

Betraying betrayers always his favorite game

He got off on crushing
tawdry hearts without shame

~

 

©justagirllost2

Monique

*art by Kassandra