Just a Girl Lost 2

Just a girl lost~ Here I share bits & pieces of me, in poetry, prose, music & posts from writers who inspire me.


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Sometimes things are black & white

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~

Those who love you can’t always right the wrongs or stop the tears that fall,

but they’ll always love you thru it & see the real you

You have to love yourself too

Things are black and white
when you have the emotional capacity to accept the Truth

& the truth of others isn’t up to you to fix or undo

When you’re wrong admit it, apologize,

seek to make amends with sincere attrition

accept their decision

if they reject you, let them be, move on,

set yourself free
Moving on means not repeating wrongs
taking the high road &
not worrying about

being misunderstood

by those who are fools

~

I’m far from perfect
Closer to incorrigible
I’m never shades of grey
I’m black and white
Not a hypocrite

I’ll always stab you
in the front, never
the back

I don’t hide behind
sweet, innocent smiles getting others
to do my dirty work
I’ll dirty my own damn hands

& give you hell if you deserve it

I’ve been betrayed, lied to, fucked over royally
I know what it feels like to be hurt over, over and over

I know what it’s like to love unconditionally,

to give yourself completely and still have it never be enough.

You will get hurt, people are mean,

they made you cry…they’ll make you cry

but,

IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE

You’re free & alive

so Suck it up and call it LIFE
STOP Bitching about it
Whining about it
over and over and over,
that’s for the cowardly & cruel

These things I have to keep telling myself

over & over and I do tell myself over & over

I have to tell myself again or I’ll drown

in my own negativity and hurt those around me

My mantra:

Count your blessings
Move forward

Live in the present in Joy

and Hope for the Future
~

I am not perfect, no one is,

but I’m worthy of love

just like you

and

Yea, it’s black and white, cause
you’re nothing but wrong

and I’m nothing but right,

sometimes…

~

©justagirllost2

*photo mine


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No More Naked Words of Me

 

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No more naked words of me

I’ll share with unfit company

No more pearls to swine
wallowing in malicious pits
of rhyme

greedily feeding upon frenemies
in snide remarks they crassly snort
from gaping cavities

Cackling round cauldrons
stirring up slander
in smiles & sabotage

Envy & insecurities form friendships
Coven’s of commonalities
whose Joyous glee
derives from wHine & inflicting cruelty

Hating the me that they create
from moldy thoughts
& evil hearts
their misery needs company
to justify impiety

Lying eyes see only lies
venomous bites
contort distort truth as alibis
to fit inside
their teeny tiny twisted minds
~

©justagirllost2

 

*reposting this piece because,

so often these temporary feelings of pain resurface,

unfortunate lows in the mostly highs that come

from exposing your thoughts & heart in permanent ink.

~

*photo mine


6 Comments

I Exist

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In the last few years I’m finally able to understand and accept what these words by St. Francis mean.

It took almost destroying myself in mind, body and soul over & over & over again. Confused by the self-hatred brought about by a lifetime of other’s flawed perceptions, of my own ignorance, of seeing through the warped eyes of a materialistic, shallow, humanistic society.

By believing mine & others’ misconceptions of what my Faith meant, by not understanding how my unique brain chemistry affected me & how my ingrained desire of wanting to be perfect at everything (good or bad) was an impossible way to live & potentially deadly. Maybe even the devil himself was trying to destroy my belief in my self-worth, who knows…

It took being abused when I believed I deserved it, being told way too many times how worthless I was, how I didn’t deserve to live, how everyone would be better off without a disgusting loser like me. It took hearing it, living it, finding the strength to finally see the truth, to finally be able to look in the mirror and say, “So what. So fucking what if I’m the most horrible person in existence like you say I am. I’m still better than you, who are so evil that you have to beat me down to build yourself up. I don’t use the love & trust of others as a weapon to turn against them. I’m not evil, not perfect, I’m me, just me.”

I exist and if I believe that all souls are meant to exist then I’m also meant to exist and the Creator who created me needed no human approval for my existence and neither do I.

It also took losing my narcissistic belief in my perpetual uniqueness. My pride had kept me a prisoner to human standards of excellence and worth. I had to let go of the belief that all my failures and all my triumphs belonged only to me. I wasn’t always in control, a god of my own making.

I learned the hard way. Perhaps because of my stubbornness & arrogance. I wish it would have been less painful to learn the beautiful truth that my value is never changing. I am valuable because I EXIST.

I can finally be free to live without the shackles of fear or despair that others have tried to imprison me with.

I’m truly free to love and be loved.

My simple way of explaining a faith I hold dear and deep. I’m not very articulate when it comes to explaining my beliefs and what I understand.

My faith is a part of me and I am made strong only in my weakness and acceptance of who I’m truly meant to be.

~

©justagirllost2

 

 

 

 


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It’s a strange thing

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~

It’s a strange thing

the times I feel the most overwhelmed

drowned in unknown emotions and chaos

are the times I shut down, inside

I lose my words in frozen thoughts

locked away in a numb place

my fortress of solitude

where I go to lick my wounds

where I hide

buried under ice fields of pain

until I’m ready again

drained of my sorrow

to face the insanity of hate

in the light of day

and let the words

melt the hurt away

~

©justagirllost2

*photo mine