What is love?

There are places I remember in my life…

Some beautiful and hug-filled and snuggly and warm. Having my head rubbed as I hold my favorite stuffy.

Some dark and muddy and filled with shouting and angry reds and implied harm. Horrid dinner table times where each mouthful was an epic swallow of dread and dust.

They are all filled with love.

The only love I know.

The only way I know how to love, so often.

My goal is to change and I am, changing it.

Two days ago, my kids and I went grocery shopping and they fought the whole time and then fought with me in the car. They spoke their minds, it hurt and taught and it sucked.

At home we had a brilliant dinner and they spent over 3 hours together making a sequel to a video they did two years ago.

Perhaps there is something to be said for airing out what we dislike about each other in a vat of loud love.

Niki 💕

@justagirllost2

*Photo mine

 

No More Naked Words of Me

 

No more naked words of me

I’ll share with unfit company

No more pearls to swine
wallowing in

malicious pits
of rhyme

Greedily feeding upon frenemies
In snide remarks

they crassly snort
from gaping cavities

Cackling round cauldrons
Stirring up slander
in smiles & sabotage

Envy & insecurity forms friendships
Coven’s of commonalities

whose Joyous glee
derives from wHine & inflicting cruelty

Hating the me

that they create
from moldy thoughts
& evil hearts

Their misery needs company
to justify impiety

Lying eyes see only lies

Venomous bites
contort distort

truth as alibis
to fit inside
their

teeny tiny

twisted minds
~

 

*reposting this piece because,

so often these temporary feelings of pain resurface,

unfortunate lows in the mostly highs that come

from exposing your thoughts & heart in permanent ink.

* I really like it! and it’s a bit Halloweeny…

@justagirllost2

*photo mine

The Cat is a Mercenary of LOvE ~

*Lulu, one of our 3 cats

~
When our cat, the cat belonging only to herself,
deigns to sleep next to me

I feel special & loved
Our cat is a good judge of character.
I believe that Cats know how & who to love.
They’re fluffy, fickle, mercenary creatures.
They pretend not to know you sometimes.
They’re more patient than dogs.
They take their Sweet Cat Time
They’re selective about which lap they wanna lay in.
They definitely hold up in comparison

to Zack, our dog
who follows & gets in their faces
like a jumping bean, bouncing
out of reach NEVER taking the hint,
NEVER getting out of Cat Space,
’til they scratch/whack him.
He’s always in a frenzy of jealousy when they’re around us.

Cats meow when they need or feel.

Zack loves people too much & rarely barks.
He tries to escape anytime he can burst thru the door, whoosh & he’s GONE, on a doggie quest
leaving pee on every mailbox
& if it’s sunny day he rolls around in a special field & comes home smelling of vile, dead things.
Cats don’t roll in manure & toxic muck
They HATE unsanitary things
maybe that makes them smarter?
but,
to be fair, our cat, LuLu loves to lay
on counter tops & book shelves
& 5 out of 10 times she rolls right off
So, maybe Cats & Dogs are evenly matched, a bit smart, a bit stupid in their own unique way.
~
ps:
I adore our dog. He makes better company. He never leaves.

@justagirllost2

*photos mine.

Our dog Zack & me & just Zack.

Mother’s Lament

• 

  
  

@justagirllost2

Memories

So, I’m going
thru my phone pics & see this.
Rewinding time
to when my kids were little.
We found an abandoned
baby bird & decided to raise it.
I remember the purple
bird poop in our bathroom,
the round the clock feedings
and this photo
of Nick holding the baby bird
while Chloe throws
a tantrum cause
she wants to hold it.

❤️

@justagirllost2

*photo mine