Darkness is a temporary haven

I curled up into my mind and held myself tight

I wrote to the one who hurt me, my thoughts are never tongue-tied

I was bold, ALL CAPS, adamant about what my boundaries are, Truthful about what I believe, want, need.  Brutally honest.  Pure feeling and electricity running thru my words.

At the end, after three messages, finally, I got it

I realized it didn’t matter if they read my messages or not. All that mattered is that I KNOW the truth and I know who I am, what I deserve and what it means to love.

I don’t need to prove I’m right, not anymore.  God’s the only One who knows my heart. He’s the only One I answer to and for.

I realize I never truly want to hurt those I love

I remember

I see the beautiful, loving, giving, truly radiant things their presence brings to me

Stepping away into the silence, the darkness of feeling everything, such a pain, such a peace

I realize this life is a never ending learning how to Be, how to love, how to clearly see

I let the anger, hurt, pain, tears wash over me

I know that I’m not happy living sad

The darkness is my haven temporarily, until I’m ready to face the warmth of loving, being loved again

That’s where I am meant to live

~

©justagirllost2

~

*A favorite song from one of my most favorite groups, Staind.  I LOVE all of their music.  Their words are soulful, introspective, real, raw and speak to me in so many ways. Past and present.  This song is one of my favorites.  ❤

So Far Away

Lyrics

This is my life
Its not what it was before
All these feelings I’ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I’d never lived before
Somebody shake me
‘Cause I
I must be sleeping

Now that we’re here,
It’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All in the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we’re here it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive
And I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today

These are my words
That I’ve never said before
I think I’m doing okay
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before

Somebody shake me ’cause I
I must be sleeping

Now that we’re here,
It’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All in the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we’re here it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive
And I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today

I’m so afraid of waking
Please don’t shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don’t shake me

Now that we’re here,
It’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All in the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we’re here it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive
And I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today

 

My Feelings Never Wane

I’d fight with fire just to get close to you…

~

~

My feelings

those dark, delirious

delicious feelings

My wants relentless

My needs

of desire ~ love ~ lust

never wane

they pulse pizzicato,

firm, strong

stronger

flowing thru me,

Vibrating my being

sighing touching tasting streaming

My thoughts never stop

touching

searching for yours

My lips never stop

aching

throbbing for a taste,

A bite

a lingering lick

of your skin

My body never stops

humming, quivering

burning to feel your lips

And though life is often insane

in its chaos

it never drives me to distraction

Only you commit that crime

Though I get lost, overwhelmed

and cannot find the strength to fight

Knowing you breathe and exist

Knowing you live in my world

Knowing who you are is my forever breath of life

You are my muse

My poetry

my inspiration

My desire

My delight

~

 ©justagirllost2

~

~

*top image by serge marshennikov

* bottom photo mine

… and my feelings never wane 🍃

Paper Planes

M.I.A. Lyrics

“Paper Planes”

I fly like paper, get high like planes
If you catch me at the border I got visas in my name
If you come around here, I make ’em all day
I get one done in a second if you wait

I fly like paper, get high like planes
If you catch me at the border I got visas in my name
If you come around here, I make ’em all day
I get one done in a second if you wait

Sometimes I think sitting on trains
Every stop I get to I’m clocking that game
Everyone’s a winner, we’re making our fame
Bona fide hustler making my name

Sometimes I think sitting on trains
Every stop I get to I’m clocking that game
Everyone’s a winner, we’re making our fame
Bona fide hustler making my name

All I wanna do is
And a
And take your money

All I wanna do is
And a
And take your money

All I wanna do is
And a
And take your money

All I wanna do is
And a
And take your money

Pirate skulls and bones
Sticks and stones and weed and bongs
Running when we hit ’em
Lethal poison for the system

Pirate skulls and bones
Sticks and stones and weed and bombs
Running when we hit ’em
Lethal poison for the system

No one on the corner has swagger like us
Hit me on my burner prepaid wireless
We pack and deliver like UPS trucks
Already going hell just pumping that gas

No one on the corner has swagger like us
Hit me on my burner prepaid wireless
We pack and deliver like UPS trucks
Already going hell just pumping that gas

All I wanna do is
And a
And take your money

All I wanna do is
And a
And take your money

All I wanna do is
And a
And take your money

All I wanna do is
And a
And take your money

M.I.A.
Third world democracy
Yeah, I got more records than the K.G.B.
So, uh, no funny business
Are you ready all?

Some some some I some I murder
Some I some I let go
Some some some I some I murder
Some I some I let go

All I wanna do is
And a
And take your money

All I wanna do is
And a
And take your money

All I wanna do is
And a
And take your money

All I wanna do is
And a
And take your money
~

It samples the 1982 Clash song “Straight to Hell”.

The song climbed into to the Top 10 of the US Hot 100 in mid-2008 after being featured in the trailer for the movie Pineapple Express, and then later used in the soundtrack for 2008 film Slumdog Millionaire.

Curiousities

 

 

So, I’m watching

The Magnificent Seven

(original version, thank you, very much)

and

I hear the soundtrack.

The soundtrack is vibrant, strong, beautiful.

The soundtrack is westerny, tough, and jagged.

The music was nominated for an Academy award.

It’s a fabulous score.

It’s a wonderful movie.

So, as I’m watching and listening I notice a certain part of the score sounds EXACTLY like something I’ve heard in LoTR: The  Two Towers.

Just listen.

Listen to each one.

Dog Days are Done by Florence and the Machine

#1.  This is a GREAT SONG!!!  It’s by Florence and the Machine.  I heard it while driving. 

That’s the only way I hear ‘new’ music nowadays

#2.  Weird, when I was a teenager,

I used to be the one who found stuff before anyone else, well,  a few elses.

It’s hard ‘growing up’.  Meaning, I can’t sit and listen to music all day.

It’s hard growing up, meaning,

I’m not really grown up, just in a different dimension.

Make sense?

THIS SONG kinda sums it up.

As I was listening to it I was thinking,

Damn them, for being so happy, not fair.

I wonder what it feels like?

And then I thought, what if I could make myself

and those around me happy?

I thought, what if I could decide to be happy?

and make this song come true?

What a dream, a beautiful, wonderful, perfect dream of HAPPY!!!

I hope you love it as much as I do.

@justagirllost