Just a Girl Lost 2

Just a girl lost~ Here I share bits & pieces of me, in poetry, prose, music & posts from writers who inspire me.


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Jacquie Prebich

Brilliant and haunting, her words weave a web of silken thought. She is not only an amazing writer and soul, she is also my dear friend. An inspiring sister of soul. Enjoy this beautiful poem. ūü•Ä
Niki

Madwomen in the Attic

Birthday Song

danced out of my mother’s womb

naked cold

cocooned in the afterbirth of art

cord snip cut

cries mute to scream

soul activated

oh, how the harsh light hurts

this was the house I was assigned to

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My Feelings Never Wane

I’d fight with fire just to get close to you…

~

FORINSTAGRAMPOEMneverWane

~

My feelings

those dark, delirious

delicious feelings

My wants relentless

My needs

of desire ~ love ~ lust

never wane

they pulse pizzicato,

firm, strong

stronger

flowing thru me,

Vibrating my being

sighing touching tasting streaming

My thoughts never stop

touching

searching for yours

My lips never stop

aching

throbbing for a taste,

A bite

a lingering lick

of your skin

My body never stops

humming, quivering

burning to feel your lips

And though life is often insane

in its chaos

it never drives me to distraction

Only you commit that crime

Though I get lost, overwhelmed

and cannot find the strength to fight

Knowing you breathe and exist

Knowing you live in my world

Knowing who you are is my forever breath of life

You are my muse

My poetry

my inspiration

My desire

My delight

~

 ©justagirllost2

~

~

image

*top image by serge marshennikov

* bottom photo mine

… and my feelings never wane ūüćÉ


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The King of Lies

image

My Love obscene
Condemned to die
by a court of One
a King of Lies
Thief of my thoughts
this Judas Priest
Blackmailer punk
My soul sold cheap
carried his cross
Led on his leash
A genius of insanity
With gifts of dirt
& blasphemies
he buried me
he clipped my wings
Rabid for
a special treat
In recompense for my sin
I lay upon
stripped to skin
His Holy Grail
my bed of nails
His every pain
I bled for him
and
Oh,
how he loved
to watch me die
~

©justagirllost2

  • image by Lithuanian photographer Algis GriŇ°kevińćius.

*in honor of #arielpoets I’m reposting this. The theme @arielpoets this month of January is Betrayal


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When a Lifetime of Reality isn’t Real, then what…

I was perusing my drafts tonight, looking for some snarky poetry for a friend, and I came across this. 

I know I wrote this.¬† The strange thing is that I don’t remember writing it.¬† I usually remember everything I write because I only write when my emotions are all emotional.¬† I’m either up, up, up or low, low, low.¬† I’m not an inbetween writer.¬† I wrote the title, When a Lifetime of Reality isn’t Real, then what…¬†

So, as I’m reading this, I’m thinking, “What was I going thru?¬† dealing with?”¬† It must have been something epic because like I said, I only write when compelled to do so, as in COMPELLED.¬† hmmmmm… I’m seriously curious.¬† I don’t believe in split personalities, yet it feels like someone else wrote this. curiouser and curiouser

Lately, I haven’t felt much like writing.¬† I’ve been dreaming a lot though.¬† A LOT.¬†

Maybe I should just write my dreams when I’m uninspired.¬† Huh, LIGHT BULB MOMENT!!!¬† lol¬† ¬†

I will be doing that. I’ll start writing my dreams on here.¬† Starting tomorrow!

Until then, I’ll leave you with my mysterious missive from last March.

Peace and Love to you all, even the haters (as our Marvelous President Donald Trump likes to say)¬† ūüėČ

Niki ‚̧

 

 

 

what am I supposed to feel?

Numb  Stunned  Shocked  Disbelieving

Disillusioned   Duped  Distraught

Anger  Rage in Dreams Betrayed  Pain holds sway, a dirge to play, fast fading, Faith torn stripped tattered sways fast against Mind, Flesh & Bone.   Pain, like a Hawk, Claws Sink Deep Beneath Bone & Flesh, Spellbound Screaming Mind Blown Feeling Bits & Pieces Flowing Fleeing Gently Bleeding every Poisonous Drop of Pain.

No more crying in the rain.  No more Fantasy Falling to the Pain

Washed Up Brain Dead  Soul  Fucked  Back Run

Unfind

Rewind ¬†Ahead my Steps No Turning Back ¬†Time’s ¬†Destined Path to Find ¬†Life ¬†

Unbound Unblind to Truth  this Life Unblind I find  Heart  I See  I Know

I Breathe ¬†I ¬†Soar ¬†Beyond the Veil ¬† I See Black Sky I Know It’s Name

UnBlue Pilled   Eyes  Wide  Open   Black Pitch  Death Trap  Matrix

 

Hopeless   Betrayed  Played

Lost

Sickened  Saddened  Broken  Ashamed

Hollow Hurt

Afraid  Exposed  Alarmed  Haunted

Wide Awake  Wired  Electric  Chaotic  Alive

Murderous  Livid  Repulsed  Revulsion Burning  Hate

White Hot  Hate

….

I’m Blown away by the the ease with which we hop, skipped & goose stepped into a red, white, and blue Looking Glass of Hell on Earth.

I’m more like ‘a-ha’ , ok, this must be ‘IT’

‘IT’ is finally here, for me at least. ¬†‘IT’ has always been waiting for me to ‘See’

I do now, I finally see…

I felt ‘IT’ about 16 years ago? ¬† It’s hard to remember exactly.

I just know I felt it one day.

Like a quiet sonic boom, deep in me.

I felt like everything was real, but temporary.

Like a way station, forever fated and planned, an in between purgatory of sorts.

That’s how it felt, a purgatory, not deprived of anything, just my pride and being able to call anything my own.

It was grey, miserable, yet I had my family, my children, all that mattered, except for my own identity or home.

The second time I felt it was about 13 years ago.  Chloe was a new baby.

I was standing in the middle of the kids and my room.  Just standing there in a funk.  Single mom, living at home, sharing a room and way, way off the mark of where I thought my life, our lives, would and should be.   Feeling angry, mad, disgusted, embarrassed, ashamed, guilty.  Like a great, big L O S E R.  A disappointment to myself, dependent on my family, resentful at the shame time, bratty.  Just a mess of poor me and A LOT of growing up to do.

I felt it, this feeling like I was in a waiting room.

I’ve always had a nagging, uneasy voice, a whisper deep within me, within my soul

It sounds crazy, but it’s been there for so long. ¬†Telling me to wait, just wait.

God, sounds bizarre reading it, but I swear, the voice was there.

I ‘heard’ it telling me something was coming, in the far, far distant future,

but IT was coming and life would never be the same as anyone knew it.  I FELT it, it never went away.

I let it go.

I don’t obsess over things I can’t change.

I didn’t feel anything but a complete certainty, a truth inside me, a calm

and I just said, “Ok.” and moved on with my days.

Have you ever had that happen?

I don’t know what they would call it. ¬†

I know many people believe in psychic abilities, mediums, esp, etc. ¬† I don’t.

I’m Catholic and I was raised to never mess with any kinds of occult things.

 

I don’t even read my horoscope.

 

@justagirllost2

*photo mine