A re post from 2016
The “She” is the attorney my ex hired in the custody battle.
A family matter, an upheaval, a disruption, a tyranny
that’s been ongoing 2 years now
very soon the clouds will disappear, very, very soon.
I hope and pray all comes to the good and that finally
the weight will be lifted off of my and my family’s shoulders
and we’ll once again be able to breathe.
In these Black days filled with tears and sadness
Fear, now my master
taunting as I am kissed by Judas
Handed over to my accuser
Betrayer of her own, of ALL preyed upon
ruthless her kindness, relentless her cruelty
Shuffling papers = attack mode- ON
Going down her Hit List of Total Bullshit
all HIS LIES and her side show
Eye-rollin’ smirk when she’s called out as a Liar.
Rude unprofessional with ZERO class
She LIES & DISTORTS
& MANIPULATES the TRUTH.
It’s beyond hypocrisy. It’s beyond injustice.
It is EVIL, pure & simple
The mask of being ‘Civilized’
grafted down to her bone.
‘real’ left to be shown
Not an ounce of empathy, compassion or
I feel like Daniel thrown to the Lions…
I sit there alone.
Completely, utterly alone.
Watching her moods swing from snarky law bitch
to soft-spoken, jovial, chubby Aunt Bee
with really bad hair.
She has her shtick down pat.
Sharing little anecdotes
of the bad guys ALWAYS getting caught
trying to beat the drug test.
Remember that one woman…STAB …
she tested negative with the pee test, but
that hair test was off the charts positive
she had SO much crack …
STICK… in her system!!!
(here it comes)… STABSTABSTAB
“See? don’t be a stupid crack whore
you clueless peasant”, her soulless eyes
All I feel is sad. So sad…
This wasn’t just a crack whore,
another notch on your scratching post!
This was a HUMAN BEING, a woman
who wasn’t born a criminal.
This was a daughter, a mother
Long ago her innocence lost, and now
her child’s is being lost…
broken home, broken heart, broken lives
So much suffering, generations
affected and it’s all laughed away
“People are stupid, useless, ignorant anyway, right?”
She loves to stick those pins
I feel so cold and sick, as if I’m going to
crawl out of my skin.
I get it now. Most of it. Need more time
to process. I’m far from ok. I’m in a zone
of stress . I need to get my composure back
I need to act oblivious. I’m numb.
Frozen in this strange dread and confusion
My thoughts, flatlined… dead.
Is this what hell feels like?
Her demented giggle never quite reaching
her squinty little eyes,
she’s watching me across the table.
“Eyes are the windows of the soul.”,
keeps running through my head.
Curiosity gets the best of me
I look straight up at her, not past her.
I SEE her.
I see a sad excuse for a human being.
I feel surprised, shocked actually,
at this slovenly mess across from me.
“How in the hell can that woman NOT have
a zillion issues? How OLD is she? She can’t be
that much older than me, 10-15 years? She looks
like a bag lady who just rolled out of bed.
Good Lord. Hasn’t she heard of Maybelline?
I bet she has about 10 cats ’cause
they don’t know ‘HEIL!’ from ‘Here, kitty kitty'”
I SEE her.
A bitter, hate-filled, unkempt, insecure,
vicious woman out to annihilate me.
She HATES women. She HATES me.
She has found the PERFECT client in HIM.
She’s a paid abuser.
Hired by the man who abused & is still abusing me.
She is beneath contempt.
I feel disdain, rage, & offense beyond belief.
Seeing into eyes of a woman
who looks old
Two dirty, cracked windows to
a soul like a rat, grey, listless & fat
Heart a shriveled husk
dead, cold & black.
I SEE her.
A desolate wad of dark energy
Nothing resembling happiness exudes from her.
She’d a slave to pride & the intellect of man.
Dead in spirit,
nothing but an animal, flesh & bone.
She is one of THEM
They are the Undead among us
Beady eyes always calculating
Greedy maws always salivating
Monsters created by shallow minds
The hunt is all they crave
To rise the ranks & win a worthless game
against other locusts who feed
on the misery of society.
Power, Lust, Envy and Hate
Living for esteem from those they despise
To be worshiped & feared
To corrupt all that is good is their delight
To destroy Love, & make wrong right
Born again in primordial swamps
of corruption and poison
they breed the ancient disease
of fallen Eden
Desperate to be ‘seen’
Ego fuels their vapid lives
Slaves to base passions
the animals speak as civilizations die
They are the worst of humanity
I cannot bear to breathe the same air they breathe
I feel dirty, stained
I can’t wash off the foul stench
of Putrid decay
I’m contaminated by filth
Drowning in a sea of hate
Caught in a trap
well-laid for years
Me, gullible, and naive
in my ignorance deceived
Now I see a darkness I’ve never known
Ugliness I thought I was privy to
Books I read, scars received, nothing prepared
me for these assaults on my sanity
Anger unreal, hate hidden, nothing revealed
until the fangs sink in, withdraw, smile, rip again
as if I’m some plaything
a rag doll eviscerated invisibly
a puppet hanging by bloody strings of flesh
I am soul shocked
I am mind raped
flayed alive by demons
wearing suits of skin
Strangers paid to hate
I am nothing but a
sad specimen below their pay grade
I refuse to die
My blessing and curse, my belief in the Afterlife
so, I stay
In these so often colorless days & nights
filled with prayers and pleas & begging
to a celestial Being I now struggle to believe in
Nothing sates me
Nothing takes me away from
nothing but pain & panic
I am crushed on all sides
I am only living for one thing
My Children’s Lives and Sanity
the rest of me is in limbo
Lost in a fog of protecting those I love
Sleep sucks me into tormented dreams
I fight and claw myself awake
Slipping away is my faith,
I hang on,
for some strange reason
without desire or contemplation,
I hang on
I feel a longing for a distant song
I reach across the abyss and grasp
I find you, I feel you
You vibrate through me
your existence blankets me
your thoughts enfold me
in the warmth of knowing
I am never alone
You are the flame always burning
Calling out to me as my own draws
new life from you
My horizon, my sun
no matter how foul my mood
your words surround, hold
Your soul shines
as I wander in mists of purgatory
Lost until I feel you again
You are a guiding star, always near
though I fall and falter
though I run in fear
Your light burns midnight alive
I smile in the storm
I smile past the pain,
if only for a little while,
Your words remind me
there is hope and beauty
there is love and magic
there is joy surrounding me
in every seeming tragedy
that I am blessed beyond belief
that I have strength from He who created me
that I have souls who depend upon and need me
that I am loved unconditionally
Your words spin webs of tranquility
as they engage my heart to beat again
Your inner strength unbinds me
and reminds me, ‘This too shall pass’
I see you, I see into your heart
It’s a mystery, yet I know you
feel it too
I see your faith in me
I see that I need to rise to
truth and nobility existing
within and around me
I see myself
in a mirror untainted
I see myself in you
You see me through eyes of beauty
You accept me with impunity
I whisper your name
in thanks I praise your existence
in this world, in my world
I pray you feel my kisses I send
upon gentle winds, across infinity
my lips curved in a soft smile
in wordless joy for your gift to me
washes me new
I feel clean
I feel free
I feel redeemed
on these grey days touched by you
*And though the darkness has deepened, the Light was and is unchanging and I refuse to let myself become consumed by evil souls. God IS my salvation and He WILL protect my family. My children’s well-being, happiness and safety are my priority.
I still find moments to breathe. I still find moments to reflect and see the good God ALWAYS brings out of seemingly insurmountable obstacles and betrayals.
Thank you all for reading me, truly and thank you for your posts
I always gain insight, inspiration and beauty from all I read and follow in this blogging community.