Darkness is a temporary haven

April 21, 2021 by justagirllost2 7 Comments

I curled up into my mind and held myself tight

I wrote to the one who hurt me, my thoughts are never tongue-tied

I was bold, ALL CAPS, adamant about what my boundaries are, Truthful about what I believe, want, need.  Brutally honest.  Pure feeling and electricity running thru my words.

At the end, after three messages, finally, I got it

I realized it didn’t matter if they read my messages or not. All that mattered is that I KNOW the truth and I know who I am, what I deserve and what it means to love.

I don’t need to prove I’m right, not anymore.  God’s the only One who knows my heart. He’s the only One I answer to and for.

I realize I never truly want to hurt those I love

I remember

I see the beautiful, loving, giving, truly radiant things their presence brings to me

Stepping away into the silence, the darkness of feeling everything, such a pain, such a peace

I realize this life is a never ending learning how to Be, how to love, how to clearly see

I let the anger, hurt, pain, tears wash over me

I know that I’m not happy living sad

The darkness is my haven temporarily, until I’m ready to face the warmth of loving, being loved again

That’s where I am meant to live

~

©justagirllost2

~

*A favorite song from one of my most favorite groups, Staind.  I LOVE all of their music.  Their words are soulful, introspective, real, raw and speak to me in so many ways. Past and present.  This song is one of my favorites.  ❤

So Far Away

Lyrics

This is my life
Its not what it was before
All these feelings I’ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I’d never lived before
Somebody shake me
‘Cause I
I must be sleeping

Now that we’re here,
It’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All in the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we’re here it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive
And I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today

These are my words
That I’ve never said before
I think I’m doing okay
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before

Somebody shake me ’cause I
I must be sleeping

Now that we’re here,
It’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All in the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we’re here it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive
And I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today

I’m so afraid of waking
Please don’t shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don’t shake me

Now that we’re here,
It’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All in the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we’re here it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive
And I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today