Darkness is a temporary haven

April 21, 2021 by justagirllost2 7 Comments

I curled up into my mind

held myself tight

I wrote to the one who hurt me

my thoughts never tongue-tied

I was bold ALL CAPS adamant

about my boundaries to be

Truthful about what I believe

what I want

what I need

Brutally honest

Pure feeling screaming

electricity

thru my words

running free

silently violently

finally

after three messages

finally

I got it

I GOT it

finally

I realized it didn’t matter if the one

I dreaded ever read my messages

finally

I know I need to let go

I know who I am

I know what I deserve and what it means to love

I don’t need to prove I’m right

not anymore

finally I got it

the truth is

God’s the only One who knows my heart

He’s the only One I answer to and for

I realize I never truly want to hurt those I love

I remember finally

I see the beautiful, loving, giving, radiant truth their presence brings

Stepping away into the silence

the darkness of feeling

everything

such a pain, such a peace

I realize this life is a never ending learning how to Be

how to love, how to clearly see

I let the anger, hurt, pain in tears wash over me

I know that I’m not happy living sad

The darkness is my haven

temporarily

until I’m ready to face the warmth of loving and being loved again

That’s where I am meant to live

that’s me

~

©justagirllost2

~

*A favorite song from one of my most favorite groups, Staind. I LOVE all of their music. Their words are soulful, introspective, real, raw and speak to me in so many ways. Past and present. This song is one of my favorites. ❤

https://youtu.be/QCZXjB9DPl4

So Far Away

Lyrics

This is my life
Its not what it was before
All these feelings I’ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I’d never lived before
Somebody shake me
‘Cause I
I must be sleeping

Now that we’re here,
It’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All in the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we’re here it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive
And I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today

These are my words
That I’ve never said before
I think I’m doing okay
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before

Somebody shake me ’cause I
I must be sleeping

Now that we’re here,
It’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All in the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we’re here it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive
And I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today

I’m so afraid of waking
Please don’t shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don’t shake me

Now that we’re here,
It’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All in the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we’re here it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive
And I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today