Just a Girl Lost 2

Just a girl lost~ Here I share bits & pieces of me, in poetry, prose, music & posts from writers who inspire me.

Black holes and my heart are old friends

2 Comments

supermassive-black-hole

Funny how every time I’m feeling at peace, my mother can skin me alive and rip out my heart in a matter of moments.

Seems it’s the times I’m finally getting things together in my own heart, mind, soul and I’m doing the best I know knowing it’s ok and that God’s in control.

It’s like there is something inside of her that has this mission to annihilate me.

It’s a fact of life, no more no less.  It is what it is.  I love her, she loves me, but in completely different ways.

I can take the anger, I can’t take the contradiction.  To have loved me more than life itself cannot mean except for the last ten years.  I can’t even put any thing into words right now.  My disappointment in her, me for letting ALL my wisdom and zen FLY out the window and take the bait and get crazy angry,  my sadness at all of it is too raw.  I can’t hide from it.  I can’t, I won’t return to my old escapes.  I have nothing to dull the pain.

I am trying to see what I can do to make myself better.  That’s all I can do.  I know there are so many lessons in it for me.  At this moment clarity is such a new bitter pill to swallow.  New ways to think, to change my thinking… a new kind of pain.

I just need to rest my heart and sit in stunned silence at what it truly means to trust in what is so easy to trust in when I’m at peace.

I’m empty of poetry

I’m empty of joy

just for today at least, maybe tomorrow

I hope not, I truly hope not

I’m just tired, so tired

I need to rest

~

©justagirllost2

Author: justagirllost2

Just a girl lost in some ways, found in others. Writing my thoughts, ideas, dreams, realities, pieces of me ~ not all pretty~ definitely real ~ I'm a mother with faith in God's divine providence. Belief that my mistakes and selfishness and chaotic past are a jumbled tapestry that in the end will be woven heavenly. That all is never what it seems. That good will always claim victory and there is a plan beyond what human eyes and our fallen natures can see. My three children are my miracles, my life, my blessings. They inspire me to be a better woman and human being. I hope that you and I share and learn from each other in the beauty and reality of life on this ever evolving journey. xo ~ This is a place without masks ~ without broken glass paths ~ This is a place to be free To be the me He created me to be ~ Just a girl lost XxX

2 thoughts on “Black holes and my heart are old friends

  1. Write, write and write some more. The only solace for one such as yourself is in prose. Let it flow like a river. Doesnt have to be published but get your words out and with that will come release. God’s healing upon you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, my friend. 🙂 I think it’s more of a time to reflect. Finding peace again after much soul searching, that’s the way life is meant to be, I believe. I appreciate your kind words, truly. Hope you have a wonderful evening.

      Liked by 1 person

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