Just a Girl Lost 2

Just a girl lost~ Here I share bits & pieces of me, in poetry, prose, music & posts from writers who inspire me.

Not Sweating the Small Stuff

15 Comments

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My youngest daughter, whom I sit next to right now in a hospital room, has much to complain about when it comes to my mothering skills.

I more often than not set a bad example when it comes to housekeeping.  Procrastination is my middle name, unless company is coming over and then it’s “Haul ASS and GET TO WORK, EVERYBODY… NOW!”

My children have seen my worst sides of my being a daughter in the clashes I’ve had with my own mother.  I always feel I’ve let them down and wonder what happened to all my self-control and noble promises of being a perfect example of motherhood.  It’s humiliating to admit my faults and flaws to them, especially since I grew up believing my mother to be the saint of self-control and perfection.

I can be grumpy and short with my children.  I always apologize and ask them to forgive my shortcomings and my selfishness.

The only time I don’t feel like the poster child for horrible and inadequate mothers is when I don’t sweat the small stuff, the stuff that many adults consider mountains, I consider molehills.

The spills, messes, broken glass/dishes/windows, lost jewelry, ruined shirts, boots, dresses, brand new cameras not meant to be put in ziploc bags & take underwater pictures in swimming pools, the holes in walls, the wet beds, the needing to vent without being told how to feel, not feel or ‘fix’ it… all things that make us human.

The latest one, my daughter stepping on my closed laptop as she leaned over to kiss me the other morning.  My prized laptop went “CRACK” and we both went “Oh NOOO!”.  I wanted to cry when I saw the screen, but all I said was, “Oh no, Chloe, I think it’s cracked, but it’s ok it wasn’t your fault.  No worries.”  And that was that.   That’s my one redeeming quality as a mother, to not sweat the small stuff.  My children’s dignity and self-esteem is more important to me than my own disappointment and angst.

There is never any shame in making mistakes and there never should be.  That’s part of life. My mother never made me feel less than when I messed up as a child, my father did.  I NEVER  went to my father for ANYTHING, I never wanted to feel like an imposition.  I went to my mother instead.  That was the greatest lesson I learned about being a parent.  I always want my children to know that they are loved, just because.

~

 

©justagirllost2   

*image from Pinterest

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Author: justagirllost2

Just a girl lost in some ways, found in others. Writing my thoughts, ideas, dreams, realities, pieces of me... not all pretty~ definitely real. I'm a mother with faith in God's divine providence that my mistakes and selfishness, my immaturity and past are all part of a journey. That all is never what it seems. That good will always claim victory and there is a plan beyond what human eyes and our fallen natures can see. My three children are my miracles, my life, my blessing and they inspire me to be a better woman and human being. I hope that you and I share and learn from each other in the beauty and reality of life on this ever evolving journey. xo ~ This is a place without masks~ without broken glass paths ~ This is a place to be free To be me~Just a girl lost XxX

15 thoughts on “Not Sweating the Small Stuff

  1. You’re right, there is no shame making mistakes That’s why I never bought the ‘quality time over quantity of time’ thing. I think its much better for my son to see me at my best and worst; warts and all. That way he’ll see the real me and not some illusion to live up to.

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    • Yes, I agree. I always tell my kids that mistakes are meant for learning. I also know how hard it is for them to say, “Sorry” and I hope they learn from my ‘Sorrys’ to them, that we’re all flawed and still loved. Your son is a blessed boy to have you! 🙂

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  2. Good parents live their lives with second doubts

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  3. Don’t blame yourself. You are such a wonderful girl. You care. My mom walked out on me when I was six. She didn’t try. You do. As far as I am concerned that counts for A LOT and I am proud of you. HUGS I hope she is okay.

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    • I’m so sorry that happened to you, sweetness. I hope you can find healing there. I can only say that I’ve done unloving, selfish, hurtful things that I’ll regret eternally, that weren’t ‘me’, yet I always loved my children. But, I know what it’s like to mess up. As humans we fail at love and only God can heal those wounds we created. I took a while to reply because I’ve had you in my heart and thoughts, I feel your pain, I know I’m not you, but I feel your hurt & I hurt with you. I’ve caused it myself. I’m far from a good person, but I’m trying and that’s all I can do. Some things from my past are still too painful to write about. One day, I hope I can write of them. You are a wonderful girl and I’m so proud of you for what you’ve overcome. You are an inspiration to me, truly. Love to you, Beauty. XOXO

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      • I think you are a good person but I know what you mean if we think we are such good people we aren’t going to look at what we could do to be a better person so I totally get where you are coming from. It is hard to write about some things in our past isn’t it? Maybe with time. I do think the truth needs to be told so others know they are not alone. You have overcome a lot and I admire you and you are my friend. Thank you for that, the gift of you. xo

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      • Thank you, truly. I feel the same about you. I admire you and consider you a friend and I do take to heart your words. I will write my past, my truth, though painful, I believe it’s meant to help others. You’re an angel, a beautiful angel. xo

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      • Ditto sister – we must stand together. I think we do. It makes the world more bearable.

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  4. Brilliant post, everything you say here is so true 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. There is no perfect mother. She loves you. I hope she is ok. Hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Hugs for this post. Never blame self for anything and flaws. It is the flaws in us which makes us unique and special and beautiful. No one is perfect thus never put self down. The love you shower is unconditional and your children will know it. As a mom maybe you have reasons to feel different but at the end you are also a human just like others. The moment we know we are first foremost responsible to self then we don’t think of others as responsibility because now we are able to respond. Responsibility means to respond at the moment. It is not something of future, it is all about been here and now.
    And you are a beautiful soul always remember that.. ..the moment we know we are beautiful we see everything everyone as beautiful and suddenly everywhere we see light even in darkness.

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