I’m not poetry
I’m more disjointed
thoughts of heart
I’m Chaos of soul
A very, very bad memory
which often destroys
and saves my sanity
I rarely gossip
I’m rarely interested enough
I don’t get close to many people
unless I choose to be
and then I am loyal to a fault
I can be cold as ice and shut
even my closest loved ones out
(never never never my children, they are my heart)
until I’m ready to let them
back in, either because I’ve
calmed down or refound my
humility and reason
I am painfully shy
I am less vain and shallow
than I used to be
I love attention
I hate attention
I am poised ~ I am ladylike
I am clumsy and beyond awkward
I adore speaking to an audience
I love being with people
I hate being with people
I am passionate about Truth
I get rabid mad over injustice,
hypocrisy and dangerous
idiots smug and comfortable
in their ignorance
I love animals, but
humans come first
I love the planet, but
humans come first
I forgive easily
I’d rather love than hate
I judge no one’s heart
I believe everyone has a chance
at being forever loved by God
I often hide my irreverent
raunchy weird super dorky
dirty wicked nasty
sense of humor
My deepest desires
and sexuality
I show in small,
very small
glimpses of
prose and poetry
I have a very
goofy gullible
believe anything
naive child-like
simple uninhibited
side that few see
It’s embarrassing
being truly ‘dumb’ sometimes
I know I’m not a genius
or a brilliant intellectual,
but I’m able to understand
the abstract and see beyond
to the Truth of the matter,
though I have no clue how to
explain it coherently
I hold sacred
and am deeply reverent
of my Catholic faith
My adoration and love
I rarely share
nor
my writings and experiences
of my mystical side
It’s such a lonely feeling
when someone you love
can’t or won’t try to understand
and share those things
I can be the most selfish
narcissistic, whiny
bratty, foolish example of
every flaw making up
flawed humanity
I am a sinner, I know it
I do it anyway, yet
I’m trying so hard to
live, learn, and love
and be the person
I’m called to be
I’m a constant contradiction
of sensual and spiritual
I feel torn, yet not asunder
I’ve learned from my past
I’ve learned how to love myself
I’ve learned how to be alone
There has been no friend,
no lover, no significant other
no family member
who has seen every side of me
but
I am always, only me
and
perhaps one day
I’ll be brave enough
and loved enough
to allow someone
to truly ‘see’
all facets of me
Maybe…
~
©justagirllost2
*photo mine
*repost, updated and added to (as much as my tired mind will allow tonight)
*PS: and this is probably the most narcissistic piece of ego driven crap I’ve ever written. I hope you can forgive me & thank you for reading me. 🙂
March 21, 2017 at 8:16 am
It’s OK to let your ego write. This was raw, real you and very brave to say it all. I like people who are honest with themselves. Great job.
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March 26, 2017 at 2:15 pm
Thank you so much, truly. We share much in common. 🙂
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March 13, 2017 at 3:07 am
Wow!!
Effing wow!!
Straight from the heart, brutally honest but so many parallels.
Yes, you are unique, awesomely weird but,
You are not alone in your world.
There are a silent many, tormented by their own demons,
Existing through the sheer love and Grace of God.
Sickened by what we see humanity committing,
Easier to give into fear, hate and loathing,
But yet you continue to love.
Unconditionally but damn that’s so hard at times.
Non judgmental, but damn that’s near impossible at times.
You fear that you shall give in and join the human pack,
That your soul will see, will feel too much.
Bursting like a dam,
An outpouring of anger, frustration and rage.
Forever cursing all who live in this age.
So really one, we, have no choice,
but to write,
to express,
and
to pray,
Oh yes, most definitely pray.
Wow! You definitely inspired me there, and I was sposed to be studying. Doh! 😉
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March 13, 2017 at 4:24 pm
wow back! I’m so happy that I inspired you to share such heartfelt and soulful words. I feel them and yes, I do understand where you’re coming from. The more I ‘see’ and absorb of the true reality we are living in, the more angry I become at the evil of men. There is no veil covering my eyes anymore. No turning back. And I truly believe that there are some men who embrace evil and will be for eternity, they are lost, but that doesn’t steal my hope or my ability to love. You inspired me also and I thank you, my friend. 🙂 and good luck with your studying and thank you for reading me and sharing your wisdom, truly. I’m blessed to know you and hope you have a beautiful week. xo
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August 22, 2016 at 9:51 pm
When I am me
I feel complete
Darkness is there.
But I am light
The more light I spread
The darkness I will take away
I know my nature.
Others don’t define me.
I am me just me.
(love your words, love your poem, to be honest love that you are you). Be blessed.
NAMASTE 🙏
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August 25, 2016 at 2:08 pm
Lovely. Thank you and I hope you have a beautiful weekend. 🙂
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August 20, 2016 at 8:31 am
Always only you, and don’t ever change that ❤
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August 16, 2016 at 4:40 pm
Beautiful, sultry pic of you
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August 18, 2016 at 9:20 pm
Thank you! 🙂
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August 16, 2016 at 9:38 am
Very well said, Monique! 🙂
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August 18, 2016 at 9:20 pm
Thank you, Dave. 🙂
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August 19, 2016 at 8:53 am
You’re welcome! 🙂
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