I am always only Me

March 13, 2017 by justagirllost2 12 Comments

I’m not poetry

I’m more disjointed

thoughts of heart

I’m Chaos of soul

A very, very bad memory

which often destroys

and saves my sanity

 

I rarely gossip

I’m rarely interested enough

I don’t get close to many people

unless I choose to be

and then I am loyal to a fault

I can be cold as ice and shut

even my closest loved ones out

(never never never my children, they are my heart)

until I’m ready to let them

back in, either because I’ve

calmed down or refound my

humility and reason

 

I am painfully shy

I am less vain and shallow

than I used to be

I love attention

I hate attention

I am poised ~ I am ladylike

I am clumsy and beyond awkward

I adore speaking to an audience

 

I love being with people

I hate being with people

 

I am passionate about Truth

I get rabid mad over injustice,

hypocrisy and dangerous

idiots smug and comfortable

in their ignorance

 

I love animals, but

humans come first

I love the planet, but

humans come first

 

I forgive easily

I’d rather love than hate

I judge no one’s heart

I believe everyone has a chance

at being forever loved by God

 

I often hide my irreverent

raunchy weird  super dorky

dirty wicked nasty

sense of humor

 

My deepest desires

and sexuality

I show in small,

very small

glimpses of

prose and poetry

 

I have a very

goofy  gullible

believe anything

naive child-like

simple  uninhibited

side that few see

It’s embarrassing

being truly ‘dumb’ sometimes

 

I know I’m not a genius

or a brilliant intellectual,

but I’m able to understand

the abstract and see beyond

to the Truth of the matter,

though I have no clue how to

explain it coherently

 

I hold sacred

and am deeply reverent

of my Catholic faith

My adoration and love

I rarely share

nor

my writings and experiences

of  my mystical side

It’s such a lonely feeling

when someone you love

can’t or won’t try to understand

and share those things

 

I can be the most selfish

narcissistic, whiny

bratty, foolish example of

every flaw making up

flawed humanity

I am a sinner, I know it

I do it anyway, yet

I’m trying so hard to

live, learn, and love

and be the person

I’m called to be

 

I’m a constant contradiction

of sensual and spiritual

I feel torn, yet not asunder

I’ve learned from my past

I’ve learned how to love myself

I’ve learned how to be alone

 

There has been no friend,

no lover, no significant other

no family member

who has seen every side of me

but

I am always, only me

and

perhaps one day

I’ll be brave enough

and loved enough

to allow someone

to truly ‘see’

all facets of me

 

Maybe…

~

 

©justagirllost2 

*photo mine

*repost, updated and added to (as much as my tired mind will allow tonight)

*PS:  and this is probably the most narcissistic piece of ego driven crap I’ve ever written.  I hope you can forgive me & thank you for reading me.  🙂