Just a Girl Lost 2

Just a girl lost~ Here I share bits & pieces of me, in poetry, prose, music & posts from writers who inspire me.

I am always only Me

12 Comments

I’m not poetry

I’m more disjointed

thoughts of heart

I’m Chaos of soul

A very, very bad memory

which often destroys

and saves my sanity

 

I rarely gossip

I’m rarely interested enough

I don’t get close to many people

unless I choose to be

and then I am loyal to a fault

I can be cold as ice and shut

even my closest loved ones out

(never never never my children, they are my heart)

until I’m ready to let them

back in, either because I’ve

calmed down or refound my

humility and reason

 

I am painfully shy

I am less vain and shallow

than I used to be

I love attention

I hate attention

I am poised ~ I am ladylike

I am clumsy and beyond awkward

I adore speaking to an audience

 

I love being with people

I hate being with people

 

I am passionate about Truth

I get rabid mad over injustice,

hypocrisy and dangerous

idiots smug and comfortable

in their ignorance

 

I love animals, but

humans come first

I love the planet, but

humans come first

 

I forgive easily

I’d rather love than hate

I judge no one’s heart

I believe everyone has a chance

at being forever loved by God

 

I often hide my irreverent

raunchy weird  super dorky

dirty wicked nasty

sense of humor

 

My deepest desires

and sexuality

I show in small,

very small

glimpses of

prose and poetry

 

I have a very

goofy  gullible

believe anything

naive child-like

simple  uninhibited

side that few see

It’s embarrassing

being truly ‘dumb’ sometimes

 

I know I’m not a genius

or a brilliant intellectual,

but I’m able to understand

the abstract and see beyond

to the Truth of the matter,

though I have no clue how to

explain it coherently

 

I hold sacred

and am deeply reverent

of my Catholic faith

My adoration and love

I rarely share

nor

my writings and experiences

of  my mystical side

It’s such a lonely feeling

when someone you love

can’t or won’t try to understand

and share those things

 

I can be the most selfish

narcissistic, whiny

bratty, foolish example of

every flaw making up

flawed humanity

I am a sinner, I know it

I do it anyway, yet

I’m trying so hard to

live, learn, and love

and be the person

I’m called to be

 

I’m a constant contradiction

of sensual and spiritual

I feel torn, yet not asunder

I’ve learned from my past

I’ve learned how to love myself

I’ve learned how to be alone

 

There has been no friend,

no lover, no significant other

no family member

who has seen every side of me

but

I am always, only me

and

perhaps one day

I’ll be brave enough

and loved enough

to allow someone

to truly ‘see’

all facets of me

 

Maybe…

~

 

©justagirllost2 

*photo mine

*repost, updated and added to (as much as my tired mind will allow tonight)

*PS:  and this is probably the most narcissistic piece of ego driven crap I’ve ever written.  I hope you can forgive me & thank you for reading me.  🙂

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Author: justagirllost2

Just a girl lost in some ways, found in others. Writing my thoughts, ideas, dreams, realities, pieces of me... not all pretty~ definitely real. I'm a mother with faith in God's divine providence that my mistakes and selfishness, my immaturity and past are all part of a journey. That all is never what it seems. That good will always claim victory and there is a plan beyond what human eyes and our fallen natures can see. My three children are my miracles, my life, my blessing and they inspire me to be a better woman and human being. I hope that you and I share and learn from each other in the beauty and reality of life on this ever evolving journey. xo ~ This is a place without masks~ without broken glass paths ~ This is a place to be free To be me~Just a girl lost XxX

12 thoughts on “I am always only Me

  1. It’s OK to let your ego write. This was raw, real you and very brave to say it all. I like people who are honest with themselves. Great job.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow!!
    Effing wow!!

    Straight from the heart, brutally honest but so many parallels.
    Yes, you are unique, awesomely weird but,
    You are not alone in your world.
    There are a silent many, tormented by their own demons,
    Existing through the sheer love and Grace of God.

    Sickened by what we see humanity committing,
    Easier to give into fear, hate and loathing,
    But yet you continue to love.
    Unconditionally but damn that’s so hard at times.
    Non judgmental, but damn that’s near impossible at times.

    You fear that you shall give in and join the human pack,
    That your soul will see, will feel too much.
    Bursting like a dam,
    An outpouring of anger, frustration and rage.
    Forever cursing all who live in this age.

    So really one, we, have no choice,
    but to write,
    to express,
    and
    to pray,
    Oh yes, most definitely pray.

    Wow! You definitely inspired me there, and I was sposed to be studying. Doh! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • wow back! I’m so happy that I inspired you to share such heartfelt and soulful words. I feel them and yes, I do understand where you’re coming from. The more I ‘see’ and absorb of the true reality we are living in, the more angry I become at the evil of men. There is no veil covering my eyes anymore. No turning back. And I truly believe that there are some men who embrace evil and will be for eternity, they are lost, but that doesn’t steal my hope or my ability to love. You inspired me also and I thank you, my friend. 🙂 and good luck with your studying and thank you for reading me and sharing your wisdom, truly. I’m blessed to know you and hope you have a beautiful week. xo

      Liked by 1 person

  3. When I am me
    I feel complete
    Darkness is there.
    But I am light
    The more light I spread
    The darkness I will take away
    I know my nature.
    Others don’t define me.
    I am me just me.

    (love your words, love your poem, to be honest love that you are you). Be blessed.
    NAMASTE 🙏

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Always only you, and don’t ever change that ❤

    Like

  5. Beautiful, sultry pic of you

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Very well said, Monique! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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