Just a Girl Lost 2

Just a girl lost~ Here I share bits & pieces of me, in poetry, prose, music & posts from writers who inspire me.

Enough of Ennui

2 Comments

 

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I’m in stasis as I wait for the miracle of seratonin,
normalcy, happy thoughts, prayers of desperation answered,
to change me so that, maybe then I’ll receive pleasure in writing again.
(I’ve no pride when it comes to whatever it takes fixing to get to fixing me)
~
I’ve had enough of this monkey on my back
lassoing me with lassitude in a straight jacket
of bad cliches and using less than 1% of my brain.
 ~
I read the psychotically obsessed wax their putrid prose
ad nauseum (‘persistent romantic hope’ they call it)
At least the demented feel inspired,
I guess it’s a happy side-effect?
~
I, alas, not quite deluded or  inebriated enough
(why did I give up drinking?)
must resort to praying to magic muses
to inspire… depression? desire? diatribes?
~
So,
to relight dormant fires
I’m going to read the words of others as prayers
to inspire as I beseech:
To,
a Calliopi, Morrison or Houdini,
I pray, by osmosis to please heed me
and free my dissolute brain
so I may try to try and scribble, pen, hack
and so-called ‘write’ again things that seem
useful, not boring, insane or obscene.
Amen!
 ~
Wait! I forgot the most important prayer
to the most important One of all:
Please, Jesus, end this ennui in me.
Please may I find persistent, most always, sometimes,
once every full moon? pleasure in writing.
May it be beautiful and true, never hindering, but serving You,
even if flawed.
Amen!
 ~
But…
to someone
like me,
white-bread, inelegant,
jeans & t-shirt,
ponytail wearing,
not particularly eloquent,
not a devourer of books,
not melodramatically moody,
not GLORIOUSLY Self-Obsessed,
not edgy,
not mysterious,
not coy or very hard to read  (pun intended)
what if this is all there is
to someone
like me?
~

*I did devour books as a child.  Most were admirable, many a waste of time. I’ve always wanted to write one, but have always been held back by my own perceptions of what perfection should be.  I never wanted to be an author writing only for vainglory.

Now I prefer to devour books that truly add to the human experience and lead to enlightenment the Divinity of the Creator where all Truth lies.  Fiction of every kind, non-fiction of every kind (I adore history).  Yes, I LOVE books again!! 🙂

~

©justagirllost2 

*photo mine

 

 

 

 

 

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Author: justagirllost2

Just a girl lost in some ways, found in others. Writing my thoughts, ideas, dreams, realities, pieces of me... not all pretty~ definitely real. I'm a mother with faith in God's divine providence that my mistakes and selfishness, my immaturity and past are all part of a journey. That all is never what it seems. That good will always claim victory and there is a plan beyond what human eyes and our fallen natures can see. My three children are my miracles, my life, my blessing and they inspire me to be a better woman and human being. I hope that you and I share and learn from each other in the beauty and reality of life on this ever evolving journey. xo ~ This is a place without masks~ without broken glass paths ~ This is a place to be free To be me~Just a girl lost XxX

2 thoughts on “Enough of Ennui

  1. Ennui is such a bitch, I hope you manage to pull your fabulous self out of that black shell it’s hiding in, and soon. Sending you positive vibes to hopefully make that happen sooner rather than later 😉 Hugs ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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